Tips to Raising Great Children

[ummtaalib]

15 Tips to Raising Great Children

 

Children are easily influenced by their surroundings. These days, it is extremely difficult to expose our children to an ideal Islamic environment given the influences from media, friends and even other members of the family.

 

With television, radio, Internet and forms of media mostly touting un-Islamic values, it is up to parents and adults close to the children to set the correct example.

 

It is impossible to shield our children from all the negative forces that can shape their minds and, ultimately, their behavior.

 

However, by our own example and showing them better options, we can set them on the true path, which is to obey the commandments of Allah Ta’ala and our Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him).

 

Here are some tips you may want to follow in helping your children grow up with Islamic values.

 

1) Start by teaching them the importance of Worshipping only Allah: The best thing any Muslim parent could ever teach their children is to emphasize, from the day they can comprehend, that Allah (the Almighty) is One and no one is worthy of worship except Allah (the Almighty). This is the fundamental message of our Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and it is our key to Paradise.

 

2) Treat them kindly: Kindness begets kindness. If we are kind to our children, they in turn will show kindness to others. Our Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) was the best example in being kind to children.

 

3) Give them examples of Muslim heroes: Instead of Batman or Superman, tell them about real heroes such as Abu Bakr, 'Umar ibn al-Khattab, Uthman ibn 'Affan, 'Ali bin Abi Talib and others. Tell them how Muslim leaders brought a real peaceful change in the world and won the hearts of Muslims and non-Muslims alike.

 

4) Let children sit with adults: It is preferable for children to be among adults, especially when listening to Islamic lectures. The Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) would often put children in the front row when he spoke to the people.

 

5) Make them feel important: Consult them in family matters. Let them feel they are important members of the family and have a part to play in the growth and well being of the family.

 

6) Go out as a family: Take family trips rather than allowing your children to always go out only with their friends. Let your children be around family and friends from whom you want them to pick up their values. Always remember that your children will become who they are around with most of the time. So, watch their company and above all give them YOUR company.

 

7) Praise them: Praise is a powerful tool with children, especially in front of others. Children feel a sense of pride when their parents’ praise them and will be keen to perform other good deeds. However, praise must be limited to Islamic deeds and deeds of moral value.

 

8) Avoid humiliation: Similarly, do not humiliate them in front of others. Children make mistakes. Sometimes, these mistakes occur in their efforts to please the parents. If you are unhappy with your children, tell them in private.

 

9) Sports: The Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) encouraged sports such as swimming, running and horse riding. Other sports that build character and physical strength are also recommended, as long as the children maintain their Islamic identity, wear appropriate clothes and do not engage in unnecessary mixing.

 

10) Responsibility: Have faith in their abilities to perform tasks. Give them chores to do in line with their age. Convince them that they are performing an important function and you will find them eager to help you out again.

 

11) Don’t spoil them: Children are easily spoiled. If they receive everything they ask for, they will expect you to oblige on every occasion. Be wise in what you buy for them. Avoid extravagance and unnecessary luxuries. Take them to an orphanage or poor area of your city once in a while so they can see how privileged they are.

 

12) Don’t be just friends: It is common in the West for parents to consider their children as friends. In Islaam, it doesn’t work that way. If you have ever heard how friends talk to each other, then you will know that this is not how a parent-child relationship should be. You are the parents, and they should respect you, and this is what you should be teaching them. The friendship part should be limited to you and them keeping an open dialog so they can share their concerns with you and ask you questions when they have any.

 

13) Pray with them: Involve them in acts of worship. When they are young, let them see you in Salaah. Soon, they would be trying to imitate you. Wake them up for Fajr and pray as a family. Talk to them about the rewards of Salaah so that it doesn’t feel like a burden to them.

 

14) Emphasize the permissible: It is not always good to only say, “This is haraam, that is haraam”. While you must educate them on what are haraam things, Islaam is full of halaal; tell your children to thank Allah (the Almighty) for the bounties He has bestowed on them- not just for food and clothes. Tell them to be thankful for having eyes that see, ears that hear, arms and legs and, the ultimate blessing, Islaam in their hearts.

 

15) Set an example: As parents, you are the best example children can have. If you talk to your parents rudely, expect your children to do the same to you. If you are disrespectful to others, your children will follow too. Islaam is filled with Divine advice on the best ways to bring up your children. That makes it an obligation upon parents to be good Muslims so their children will try to emulate them. If you don’t take Islaam seriously, neither will your children. It goes back to our third point, which is to give them Islamic heroes. As a parent, you should be their number one hero.

Idealmuslimah

[ummtaalib]

Manners for Young Children

 

 

1. Teach children to use the right hand for eating, drinking, giving and taking. To eat and drink while sitting, and to stay, ‘Bismillah’ before eating and, ‘Alhamdulillah’ after finishing.

 

2. Teach children hygienic etiquette, to clip fingernails and toe nails, and to wash hands before and after eating.

 

3. Teach them how to clean themselves after using the toilet and how to keep urine off their clothes.

 

4. Correct their mistakes kindly and privately without scolding them.

 

5. Instruct them to listen to the Adhaan quietely and repeat the words of Adhaan after the Muadhin, then to ask Allah to exalt the mention of the Prophet [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] and supplicate the following,

 

‘O Allah, the Rabb (Lord) of this complete invitation, and the ready prayer, grant Muhammad the means and the virtue, and raise him to a praised rank which You have promised him.’

 

6. Assign each of them a separate bed, if possible, otherwise a separate cover. It is most preferable to have a room for girls and another for boys.

 

7. Instruct them to remove harmful objects off the road and not to throw litter on it.

 

8. Warn against bad company and against loitering.

 

9. Greet children with Assalaamu alaykum at home, in school, and in public.

 

10. Instruct children to be kind to neighbours and to be helpful to them, and avoid bothering or disturbing them.

 

11. Instruct them to be courteous to guests and to treat them with generosity.

 

The rule of Music and Singing

It is the duty of the educators to warn children against listening to music and singing. Allah states, ‘And of men who take idle talk to lead men away from the path of Allah without knowledge, and make fun of it. For such there will be humiliating punishment.’ (31:6)

 

Most scholars are agreed that idle talk is nothing but singing. Ibn Mas’ood [radhiallaahu anhu] said the same. Allah also addressed Satan saying, ‘And excite whoever you can with your sound.’ (17:64)

 

The Prophet [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, ‘There will be from my Ummah those who will deem as lawful; fonircation, silk (for Muslim males), liquor and music.’

The great scholar Mujahid and others said, ‘The sound of Satan is music and singing.’

 

Singing of Today

Most, if not all, of the singing today talks about love, voluptuous desires, kissing and details of a woman’s body and other sexual connotations, things that excite the youth and incite them to establish illicit relations.

 

The best way to combat the habit of listening to music is reading the Qur’aan and the rememberance of Allah, and reading the Seerah or the biography of the Prophet [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam].

 

Part of article:

Guidelines for Raising Children
Abdul Rahman Abdullah Manderolla

[source: Madrasa In’aamiyyah]

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REARING AND TRAINING CHILDREN

 

Some important advice with regard to rearing and training children will be enumerated here.

 

1.Remember well that habits acquired in childhood are enduring. Good or bad traits and attributes acquired by the child will remain with him/her life long. It is, therefore, imperative to maintain a diligent eye on the habits which a child picks up and develops in his character.

 

2.Never frighten a child. Some mothers, in order to induce obedience in the child, scare the child by speaking of ghosts, etc. This is exceptionally bad. The child will grow up with a weak heart. Instead of inculcating courage, parents very ignorantly induce cowardice in their children.

 

3.Have fixed times for their eating. Do not spoil their habits and their health with irregular eating habits.

 

4.Let them use a miswaak from an early age. Let them wash their mouths after everything they eat, even after having drunk milk.

 

5.Teach them to wash their hands before and after meals.

 

6.Teach children all the Islamic etiquettes of eating, drinking, sleeping, wearing garments, entering and leaving the toilet, etc.

 

7.When the child is able to talk, teach it first the Name of Allah Ta’ala. Even long before it can talk, parents should recite Qur’anic verses, the Names of Allah and the Kalimah to the child. The infant’s mind is receptive and it retains what it sees and hears.

 

8.Parents should not become nude in the presence of even a six-month baby.

 

9.Do not create in the child the love for luxury and adornment. Styles and fashions should be banished. Imbue in them simplicity.

10.Now and then clothe children with patched garments even if you are wealthy.

 

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Be a good parent

Translated by Muhammad Saifur Rahman Nawhami

 

[All praise is to Allah, the most merciful and the very kind. Peace be upon Muhammad, His final messenger and a mercy to all mankind. The prophet of Allah said, “All of you are responsible and will be asked regarding your responsibility”. Know this that one of the greatest responsibility and honour that Allah gives is the upbringing of children. The action of a good child resonates beyond one’s life whilst the result of a bad child can have dire consequences. - Saif]

 

You should know that [raising of children] is worthy of serious consideration. The reason being the good or bad habit that solidifies during childhood remains an entire lifetime. As such will mention these in order from childhood to adolescence.

 

[strength] Have the child nursed with a pious and practicing woman; milk has a major effect. It is the habit of women that sometimes they scare the child with the police and [sometimes with other] fearful things; this is bad as it weakens the child’s heart. Have a time fixed for suckling milk and feeding food so [that the child] remains healthy. Keep the child clean as this maintains well-being. Do not overly dress up the child. If the child is a boy do not increase the hair. If it is a girl, until she is of age to cover, do not put jewellery on her; firstly, this puts her safety at risk and secondly it is not good for them to be interested in jewellery from childhood.

 

[benevolence] Have the child give food, cloth, money and such [charity] with their hands. Similarly, have them distribute food and drink items between their brothers and sisters so that they develop a habit of generosity. However, that which you have them give, ensure it belongs to you; it is inappropriate to force them to give what is already theirs. Mention the negatives of a glutton but never by name. Rather say that a person who eats in such a manner people call them a beggar or consider them a cow. If it is a boy, develop an appeal towards white clothing and instil distaste for gaudy and pompous clothing. [say] that girls wear such clothing and you masha-Allah are a man; consistently discuss such matter. If it is a girl, even then do not let them form a habit of excessive hair styles and wearing pretentious clothing.

 

[Prudence] Do not fulfil all their demand as it corrupts the character. Stop them from screaming whilst talking especially if it is a girl; rebuke them properly or else this will become a habit when they have grown up. Prevent them from the sitting and playing with children who have poor habits, runaway from study or are accustomed to pretentious eating and clothing. Continue to make them abhor anger, lying, being jealous of others, stealing, stirring trouble, being obstinate, naively fabricating stories, incessantly speaking without benefit, aimlessly laughing or excessive laughing, deceiving, and not caring about right and wrong. If they do any of these immediately stop it and warn them. If they break something or hit someone give them an appropriate punishment. The show of love in such matters will forever loose the child.

 

[Competence] Do not let them sleep in the early morning (late into the night). Build a habit of [them] waking early. When they are seven, develop a habit of them praying salah. When they are able to go to madrasah, first have the Quran taught to them. To the upmost possibility have them taught by a pious teacher. Never give them any consideration in missing madrasah. Now and then tell them stories of the pious. Do not let them read books which contain romance, subjects contravening Islam, futile stories and songs. Have them read stories which teach them matters of din and necessary life skills. After returning from madrasah, allow them to play to relax their mind somewhat so that their temperament does not become dry. However, the play should be such that it contains no sin or fear of being hurt. Do not give them money to buy fireworks, chimes or to enjoy wasteful items. Do not create a habit of them showing them games and spectacles. Definitely teach the children such a skill that at times of need and necessity they can earn enough for themselves and their family to get by. Give girls at least enough education that they can write and calculate essentials of the house.

 

[Autonomous] Accustom the children to do the work with their own hand. They should not become decrepit or lazy. Tell them to do their own bed at night, in the morning wake early, fold and put it away properly. [Have them] put the clothing stacks orderly. If clothing rips, they should stitch it themselves. Even if clothing is dirty they should not be place in a spot where there is a possibility of parasites or mice. [The child] should give clothing to the laundrette after they themselves have counted it and written it down. They should check and count when they pick up. Emphasise to girls regarding the jewellery on themselves, before sleeping and on awakening, they should take care properly. Tell the girls to attentively observe and understand the rationale for the work that is done in the house for cooking, stitching, dying, and assembling.

 

[Trust] Do not let the child do anything secretively be it playing, eating or any other engagement. Make them responsible for a task that requires effort which maintains health and spirit and staves off laziness. Boys should rustle, lift and walk a mile or so and girls should grind the mill and spin the wheel. The added benefit is that they will not consider these works an embarrassment. Emphasise that they do not dash whilst walking; their gaze should be lowered when walking. Accustom them to be humble in terms of speech, walk and behaviour. They should not be smug so much so that they should boast to their peers about their clothing, house, family, books, pen, ink and writing pad. At times give them some money to buy what they like but instil within them that do not hide from you what they buy. Teach them the manners of eating and the decorum of sitting and leaving a gathering.

 

Originally published in ijtima.org, art. 97 (23 Rabi I 1432 / 25 Jan 2014). Original in Urdu published in Behesti Zewar by Thanwi, Hakim al-Ummat. 1347. Dehli, India; Muqim Book Depo p. 306