The Correct Expression of Parental Love

[ummtaalib]

 

The Correct Expression of Parental Love

(Highlights of Mufti Ebrahim Salejee’s majlis - Saturday 15th March)

 

Allah Ta‘ala has created a natural bond of love between parent and child. There is no way that this can be erased and removed. Mashaayikh explain that there are two types of relationships where the senior wishes that the junior excels him. One is the father and child and the other is the shaikh and mureed. In any other relationship the one will want to outdo the other. However, the thing to see is how do we maintain this love. It shows itself in different ways and it is Allah Ta‘ala that has created it. But in the feeling of emotions not every person knows how to express this love.

 

Because of the bond you cannot say that all your decisions are right and that because I love my child I will make all the decisions in his life. At one level are our emotions, but above that is intellect and above that is the Sharee‘ah. Allah Ta‘ala wants us to express love, but at the same time we should consult because with emotions at times our reasoning becomes clouded. So you will take mashwarah, but the umbrella over everything is the Sharee‘ah.

 

The point to understand is that whose love is greater, is your love for your child greater or the nabi’s love? The reality is that the nabi’s love is greater. So when his love is greater for your child, then how much greater will his love be for his own children. Hence, what he loves for his children will be the best. So what did he love for his children? Allah Ta‘ala speaks of the bequest of Ebrahim (‘alaihis salaam) to his children during his last moments – wa was saa bihaa ebrahimu . . . What was the legacy? Allah Ta‘ala has chosen this deen for you. And this was my whole life’s effort. Deen is an entire package. It is not a selective package. You give everything of yours to deen; your life, your wealth, your intelligence, for everything belongs to Allah. The second bequest was that you should make sure that you die as Muslims.

 

When ‘Umar bin ‘Abdul ‘Aziz (rahimahullah) was in his last moments, someone came and reprimanded him saying that you have left nothing for your children. He replied that if they are righteous then Allah will take care of them and if they are sinful then why should I leave wealth behind for them and assist them in their wrong. This was his succession plan for his children. The historian reporting this says that I saw the children of ‘Umar bin ‘Abdul ‘Aziz and the children of the other khulafaa. Not long had passed and the children of the other khulafaa would actually stretch out their hands for handouts from people, whereas the children of ‘Umar bin ‘Abdul ‘Aziz were able to equip the Muslim army with 200 fully laden horses to assist the mujaahideen.

 

This does not mean that we should not leave behind anything for our children. We should leave something for them, but our equations are wrong. We feel that if they are left with wealth and investments then only will they prosper. Rather, 15 to 20 percent can be wealth and the rest 80 percent should be deen. Deen does not mean merely seeking knowledge, but practically implementing deen and transferring right healthy Islamic values. This will come about with pious company and Allah Ta‘ala says: koonu ma‘as saadiqeen (Join the ranks of the truthful.). This is an obligation that is perpetual. But if we cannot remain in their company then the substitute will be to study those kitaabs that they recommend. The idea is to break away from every other thing and connect to Allah Ta‘ala. We will eventually have to meet Allah. So we should meet Him in a state that He is pleased with us and we are pleased with Him.