Modelling On The Catwalk As I Did

[ummtaalib]

I am now at the prime age of 28, of course much more maturer than when I started my modelling career at the very young age of 17. Being a young teenager, of course, I was in love with fashion and clothes, and took an opporturnity to walk the 'cat walk' , not only did I get fame, money and attention, I obtained lots of free dresses now and then.

However, that fame & attention which I attracted, as I look back, indeed, its nothing to be proud of.

I remember, I would enter the dressing room, I would have personal attention from the hairdresser, the beauty therapist and they would groom me to look like a professional model. I was told to wear 'tighter' underwear as it was important for 'Sales' to go up. At that time, I didnt think much of it, I was a hungry teenager looking for fame and money.

As I walked out on the catwalk, the music  banter was very much pitched up to get everyone excited, the green flag was given to me, as my manager shouted to me,

"Go on girl, shown them what you got" and I took on the stage, very proud, young and energetic.

I still remember walking down the catwalk, tight clothing of the traditional 'shalwar kameez' from the East, half naked arms, high heels, aritifical air fans gently blowing air from the overcast , giving my hair the bounce that was required and yes, the men, the men were stared on me: I could see from the corner of my eye, the way they were closely staring at me, talking with their friends about my figure and were photographing me. I must admit, it did get me annoyed, but the chase of the duniya and making money overshadowed my ignorance, increasing my sins.

I quit modelling at the age of 24. The final blow came, when I was watching a video of my catwalk show, I remember how my manager told me with static pride,

" You dressed up excellent in that particular show, we sold more DVD'S at the show than we sold of the clothing! The men love it".

I felt ashamed and I felt lost. Was I going to be seen thousands of men around the world, for them to get cheap thrills, and to be known as a model for the wrong reason, for the fame of my body? I felt truly very upset and I felt ashamed of what disrespect I had given to myself and my father who passed away when I was a kid.

Abida, a close friend at University, was so right, she would always say to me :

" Sister, Muslim sisters cover themselves, we have respect, we only show and beautify ourselves for our husbands, not for men we dont know.
What are you going to do tomorrow when you have kids and you are older? How will they feel knowing their mum used to dress so 'loosely' and their mother is on DVD being watched by men around the World"?

If only I listened to Abida. She was so right. I learnt the hard way, I let money and fame dictate my life. My youth features have now gone, I was 'used' by the fashion industry to make hundreds of thousands of pound in profit but at a huge expense:

I have lost my self respect as a Muslimah.

I have shamed myself in front of other men. I now live in total regret, I was used, and God knows how many men have seen my catwalks and eyed every part of my body. Indeed, I feel ashamed. What will my future kids think of me. Is this what their mother used to do? Not the ideal islamic role model, I accept.

However, I am now much closer to Allah swt, I have repented, and I know that Allah swt is looking for His creation to return back to Him. Please make Duaa for me, that Allah swt forgives me. I only hope and pray, that my personal experience, will help other sisters to never go into modelling on the catwalk, it brings no reward at all, it simply introduces men to 'cheap' thrills by examining your body.

Dont live to regret it, I certainly have and will live in deep regret for the rest of my life.

I truly understand why Allah swt has given us sisters in Islam so much honour and respect, for tomorrow, we will be mothers who will have to be responsible for all the choices we make in our youth. I salute all those sisters who covered themselves up from a young age, insha'Allah, when you are mothers, you will have children who will be proud of you when they grow up and you will not risk for people to 'point the finger' at you , putting salt on your wounds, rediscovering your past.

And Allah swt knows best.
Make Dua for me brothers and sisters.

Sister in Islam, London, United Kingdom

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