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ANY DUA TO AVOID DISPUTES WITH MY HUSBAND? Question: Assalamualaikum Is there good easy Duaa/wazeefa to prevent fights? And ease of mind of my husband as well as to move forward from repeated thoughts? In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh. You have referred to three issues, a. Dua to prevent fights b. Ease of mind c. Move forward from repeated thoughts Fights are the consequence of one not expressing restraint and controlling one’s anger. In order, to prevent fights one should learn how to exercise restraint and control one’s anger. Dua alone is not sufficient to control one’s anger. If there is a raging fire, one needs to put off the fire. One cannot sit back and simply make dua without the aid of water or fire extinguisher. In fact, when there is fear of fire, arrangement is made for a water hose or fire extinguisher within one’s reach. Likewise, one needs to equip oneself with the necessary skills to overcome and combat anger. This requires spiritual and internal training by oneself or through a spiritual guide. A Sahabi requested Rasulullah Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam for advice. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam said, لَا تَغْضَبْ . He repeated this advice three times. If one does not exercise restraint and control ones anger, he will be forced to tolerate more than the discomfort of anger later. We advise you to inculcate skills of containing your anger. This would be achieved by a spiritual guide. Also make dua to Allah for tolerance. رَبَّنَا أَفْرِغْ عَلَيْنَا صَبْرًا وَثَبِّتْ أَقْدَامَنَا وَانْصُرْنَا عَلَى الْقَوْمِ الْكَافِرِينَ Our Lord, pour upon us patience and plant firmly our feet and give us victory over the disbelieving people.” [2:250] The following marriage recipe of 10 points will be useful. 1. Fear Allah: It was the noble practice of Nabi (SAW) to conscientise the spouses about the fear for Allah before performing a Nikah by reciting the verses (Nisa v14, Ahzab v69, Aali-Imraan v101) from the Qur’aan. All the verses are common in the message of Taqwa (fear of Allah). The spouses will be first committed to Allah before being committed to their partner. There can be no doubt in the success of a marriage governed by the fear of Allah. 2. Never be angry at the same time: Anger is the root cause for all marital disputes. One Sahabi came to Rasulullah (SAW) and sought some advice. Rasulullah (SAW) replied, control your anger. The same advice was rendered three times. (Mishkaat pg.433; HM Saeed) 3. If one has to win an argument, let it be the other: Nabi (SAW) said: “Whoever discards an argument despite being correct shall earn a palace in the centre of Jannah. (Ibid pg.412) 4. Never shout at each other unless the house is on fire: Luqman (AS) while offering advice to his son said:” and lower your voice for verily the most disliked voice is that of a donkey”. (Surah Luqman v19) 5. If you have to criticize, do it lovingly: Rasulullah (SAW) said, ‘A Mu’ min is a mirror for a Mu’min.’ (Abu Dawood vol.2 pg.325; Imdadiyah) Advise with dignity and silently. 6. Never bring up mistakes of the past: Nabi (SAW) said: “Whoever conceals the faults of others, Allah shall conceal his faults on the day of Qiyaamah.” (Mishkaat pg.429; HM Saeed) 7. Neglect the whole world rather than your marriage partner: Nabi (SAW) confirmed the advice of Salman to Abu-Darda [RA] for neglecting his wife. “Verily there is a right of your wife over you.” (Nasai Hadith2391) 8. Never sleep with an argument unsettled: Abu Bakr [RA] resolved his dispute with his wife over-feeding the guests before going to bed. (Bukhari Hadith 602) 9. At least, once everyday, express your gratitude to your partner: Nabi [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, ‘Whoever does not show gratitude to the people has not shown gratitude to Allah.’ (Abu Dawud pg.662; Karachi) 10. When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it and ask for forgiveness: Nabi [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, ‘All the sons of Aadam commit error, and the best of those who err are those who seek forgiveness.’ (Tirmidhi Hadith 2499) And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best Huzaifah Deedat Student Darul Iftaa Lusaka, Zambia Checked and Approved by, Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

Question and Answer: Q. As is common knowledge there are many ahadith with regard to importance and the obligation of keeping family ties in Islam. Does this also apply with regard to all in-laws such as keeping family ties with father in law , mother in law, brother in law, sister in law, son in law, daughter in law etc. Are the keeping of such ties obligatory on a Muslim and/or If such ties are broken will it earn the displeasure of Allah Rabbul Aalameen. And does it apply to the one who breaks such ties or to all parties concerned. Also this does not create a good environment and makes it difficult for the family member that is married to maintain good family ties. Also what does keeping family ties actually entail. Understandably the relationship is not the same as a blood relationship. Merely greeting for the sake of doing so when meeting by chance or at a function for the sake of pretense in public and avoiding the inlaws as far as possible. Does that mean the ties are broken or maintained. Jazaak Allah Khair, Your Brother in Islam. (Question shortened and published) A. The obligation of maintaining family ties does not extend to one’s in-laws. It rather refers to one’s own family. Nonetheless, a good relationship with one’s in-laws is still important as it impacts on the husband’s relationship with his wife and his children. If the relationship with the in-laws sours then the marriage will not be left unscathed. In most relations in life, a level of patience and tolerance is required. Life is not hiccup-free. When considering the issues you have with your in-laws and how to deal with them, reverse the situation in your mind and imagine your wife in your position having to deal with the same issues with your family. The manner in which you think it appropriate for her to deal with your family is the manner in which you should deal with your in-laws (Do note that a man's sister-in-law is not his Mahram, hence purdah should be maintained between them.) At the end of the day, we all are human which, by default, means that we are flawed. Hence, it is to be expected that someone would say or do something inappropriate or behave in an unbecoming manner. When Allah Ta'ala speaks of the righteous, He says, “Those who give (in charity) in times of both ease and hardship, those who suppress their anger and forgive others; and Allah loves those who do good.” (Surah 3, Verse 134) In this verse, there is a subtle indication that we will be faced with situations that anger and infuriate us, that try our patience and that we will have to deal with people who will offend us. For only if this happens will we be able to gain the virtue of suppressing our anger and forgiving others. We should also consider that our in-laws have given their daughter and their sister to be under our care, to be of assistance to us, to be our partners and faithful companions and to be the mothers of our children. They will be the grandparents, uncles and aunts of our children who will love and care for them. If we cannot have patience with our in-laws and forgive their mistakes, then who will have patience with and who will we forgive? Yes, there are times when the situation becomes really intolerable and to associate with our in-laws only results in misery. In such situations, a cooling of relations is in order and a superficial relationship of merely greeting and exchanging pleasantries when necessary is acceptable. But this is generally not the case. We must ask ourselves, how much have we implemented patience and forgiveness in our relationships with them? Unfortunately, there are many people who are quick to anger and slow to forgive. Yet, the Sunnah of our beloved master, Rasulullah Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam was that he was slow to anger and quick to forgive; a practice that everyone of us, husbands, wives and in-laws, should strive to inculcate in our lives. If we do this, then we will undoubtedly save many marriages from the problems and heartache that they currently face. And Allah Ta’ala Knows Best Mufti Moosa Salie Confirmation: Mufti Ismaeel Bassa (The answer hereby given is specifically based on the question asked and should be read together with the question asked. Islamic rulings on this Q&A newsletter are answered in accordance to the Hanafi Fiqh unless otherwise stated.) Fatwa Department Jamiatul Ulama (KZN) Council of Muslim Theologians

PRACTICAL POINTS FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE? Question: I have been married for 3 years now. My wife has very harsh tongue. How can I deal with this? Please also provide practical things which I can implement to increase our bond of love. How can I be more kind to her? I have seen many marriages crumble and I definitely do not want to go the same way. I still love her very much. Please help me urgently. May Allah reward you all and make he make all your aspirations into realities. Ameen Answer: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh. You requested for advise on practical things to do in the marriage to increase the bond of love. Alhamdulillah, you have understood the objective of marriage being love and compassion as also understood from the following verse. Allah Ta’āla says, وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ [الروم: 21] And among His Signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts); verily in that are Signs for those who reflect. Allah Ta’āla describes the husband and wife as a garment for one another in the following verse; هُنَّ لِبَاسٌ لَكُمْ وَأَنْتُمْ لِبَاسٌ لَهُنَّ [ البقرة:187] Your wives are garments for you and you are garments for your wives. Garments are multi-purpose they cover the body, keep the body cool in summer and provide warmth in the summer. Likewise, they are a source of beauty and chastity. If one does not look after his garments, he does not iron them and wash the stains, the garments will no longer serve the purpose of beauty, protection and warmth. We have to also accept the fact that no two humans can make a perfect match. The attitude of zero defect is not possible nor practical. Total compatibility is almost impossible. They will always be situations wherein either one of you will have to compromise. The husband and wife have to bond with one another psychologically, physically and spiritually. How can one overcome the challenges of one’s spouse and maintain harmony in one’s marriage? The following points may be useful; · Fear Allah with how you deal with women. Verily you have taken them under your wing through the permission of Allah. It is through the procedure of nikah so fear Allah with how you treat your women. Live with her in kindness, goodness, fairness in good and bad times. · Respect each other. As long as there is mutual respect and a concerted effort to help out each other – the marriage will have an optimal chance for success and happiness. · Be compassionate and tolerant. Tolerance is one of the key factors in sustaining one’s marriage. Be kind, gentle, and loving in all matters. Sacrifice your happiness for one’s spouse. Never demand one’s rights. Remember the Hadith, "A believer must not hate (his wife) believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics he will be pleased with another". (Muslim) · Learn how to speak to each other. Many arguments in couples stem from poorly worded requests or statements. Simply rephrasing your words can turn an adversarial situation into a cooperative one. Be a good listener. · Deal with arguments with wisdom. When you fight back, you are only adding fuel to the fire. Watch how sweetly an argument will end when you just say sincerely, "Look, I'm sorry." Learn to say I am sorry. Arguments between the husband and wife should be sorted out in an amicable, responsible and mature manner. Expect, accept, and overlook her shortcomings. · Trust Both husband and wife should trust each other in every regard. This trust should be present in every matter of life, whether it is reaching some decision, protection of property, honour or any kind. When this trust is present between the two, on the basis of it they both can overcome any situation and enjoy a long and healthy relationship. A husband should expect and respect her jealously. · Compliment each other. One of the major reasons why the marriages of today fail is the fact that the partners fail to complement each other and appreciate each other for all the good things they have. When the process of complimenting each other stops, the ultimate result is the flaws and ills surfacing which consequently lead to an unhealthy relationship, therefore, both husband and wife should and must complement each other. Praise each other for small things that you like, cooking, dress, beauty, (Be genuine in your praise, make sure you mean what you say) · Anger management. Anger is natural however one should try to control it to the best of one’s ability. Never be emotionally, mentally, or physically abusive to your spouse. Always have the following hadith in mind; “I guarantee a house in Jannah for one who gives up arguing, even if he is in the right(Abu Dawood)[ii] · Comfort her. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam set the example for us in an incident when Hazrat Safiyyah Radhiallahu Anha was crying because, as she said, he had put her on a slow camel. He wiped her tears, comforted her, and brought her the camel.[iii] This is another feature a marriage must have. Each spouse has to be there for the other in the good and bad times. Be gentle with one another. The wife should find comfort and solace in the husband and the husband should find warmth and love in his wife. · Know each other’s feelings. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam told Hazrat Aisha Radhiallahu Anha: "I know well when you are pleased or angry with me. Aisha replied: How you know that? He said: When you are pleased with me you swear by saying "By the lord of Mohammad" but when you are angry you swear by saying "By the lord of Ibrahim". She said: You are right; I don’t mention your name.” (Bukhari)[iv] When your spouse is down or upset, be there to console her. Sit with your spouse, speak with your spouse, listen to your spouse. Try and make your spouse smile. If the husband is always conscious of his wife’s feelings, and the wife is always conscious of the husband’s feelings, then this will assist greatly in keeping the ‘flicker’ alight. · Respect her family. A wife would appreciate her husband having good relations with her family. Compliment your in laws in her presence. This will bring added love and harmony. · Exchange gifts. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said, Give gifts and you will love one another. (Tirmidhi)[v] Surprising one’s partner with gifts brings joy and elation to its maximum. This will keep the flame of love burning. When there is a reciprocal relationship, the marriage climbs heights. · Dress up for each other. One should try to adorn for the spouse to the best of one’s ability. It incites the inner feelings of one’s partner. Just like the husband wants his wife to look appealing and alluring, she also wants her husband to dress up for her. Hazrat Abdullah ibn Abbas Radhiallahu Anhu said: “I love to adorn myself and smarten up for my wife just as I desire her to adorn herself for me, for Allah Ta’āla says, ‘And [women] have rights similar to those that [men have over them which should be fulfilled] with kindness’ (Surah Al Baqarah, Verse: 228)”. [vi] Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam would always start with Miswak when returning home. (Abu Dawood)[vii]. This emphasises the importance on keeping oneself in a pleasing state when going to one spouse. · Use perfumes. Perfumes and fragrances enhances the mood. This leads to more affection and fondness between the couple. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam had immense love for perfumes to such an extent he would never refuse it.[viii] · Have nicknames for each other. Call your wife by the most beloved names to her, names she loves to hear. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam would call Hazrat Aisha Radhiallahu Anha ‘Humairā’’. (Ibn Majah)[ix] · Smile and glance at her with love. Smile! Smiling is sadaqah.[x] Meet your wife with a smile when you home from work. A smile automatically enhances one’s facial beauty. Feelings between the spouses cannot be exchanged through fulfilling formal obligations or through exchanging words of love only. Rather, many of them can be exchanged through non-verbal signs such as facial expressions, tone of voice and the glances of the eyes. All these are means of emotional and psychological satisfaction. · Offer her a morsel of food. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said "You will be rewarded for whatever you spend for Allah's sake even if it were a morsel which you put in your wife's mouth.(Bukhari)[xi] In order to maintain a high vigour of love and compassion, try to do small things such as inserting a morsel in one’s spouse. Such acts have a huge psychological impact on the mind of the spouse. · Be gentle. Actions such as opening the door for one’s wife and lifting groceries go a long way in instilling added spark to the marriage. The wife can sense her spouses love from such actions. Consider the following hadith; “The most complete believers are those who have the best character and the best of you are those who are the best to their wives” (Tirmidhi). [xii] · Play games. Playing games with one’s spouse ignites love even more. A couple that plays together, stays together. Consider the following incident; Hazrat Aishah Radhiallahu ‘Anha says, ‘I was once on a journey with Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam and had a race with him. I outran Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam. [After some time] when I gained some weight, I raced him again and he beat me. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said, ‘This [win] is in exchange of that [defeat]’ (Abu Dawood). [xiii] · Joke with each other A man generally like and more inclined to women who are light-hearted and have a sense of humour. Be humorous with her when she made a mistake in the kitchen, like putting too much salt or burnt her baking. Laughter is the best medicine for a long lasting and blissful marriage. Take out time just to sit with her and enjoy a light hearted discussion. · Kiss her often. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam would kiss his wife regularly. Even when Rasulullah Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam would be fasting, he would kiss his wife. (Ibn Majah)[xiv] Compliment your spouse often with kisses. When exiting the house, make it habit you leave by coming into contact with your spouse. When returning home, along with saying salām to her, show that you have missed her dearly. · Use same utensils Hazrat Aisha Radhiallahu Anha would drink from a cup. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam would take this cup and search for the place where the lips of his beloved wife made contact. Upon finding the place where his wife drank from the cup, he would put his lips on the very same place so that his lips have touched the place where her lips touched. (Nasai)[xv] Treat your wife like she is the most precious pearl therefore use the same utensils whist eating to enhance the relationship between the couple. · Laying one wife’s lap. Hazrat Aisha Radhiallahu Anha mentioned that Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam used to lean on my lap and recite Qur'an whilst she was in menses. [xvi] Simple actions like laying on one’s wife’s lap actually reflects one’s true affections for the spouse. · Have quality time together. Generally, couples after having children do not spend quality time together. The husband sometimes feels frustrated however he does not open up regarding this. Once in a while it would be apt if the children are left with the grandparents which will make way for the couple to have quality time together. Plan a Surprise activity that your spouse likes. This will bring happiness and joy beyond words. · Helping in household chores. If the couple help each other in day to day activities, it will make one appreciate the other. Likewise, one should try his best not to demand his spouse to do things too much. Whatever one can do himself, he should do. We need to be considerate of the spouse. The wife works tirelessly all day. Rasulullah Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam would clean and help at home. He would see to his needs himself rather than demanding his wife. He would clean and see to his clothing himself. · Turn to Allah Constantly recite the following Dua for a prosperous marriage; رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا [الفرقان: 74] “Oh our lord! Grant us in our spouses and our children the joy of our eyes. Moreover, make us an exemplar of goodness for the God-fearing.” And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best Huzaifah Deedat Darul Iftaa Lusaka, Zambia Checked and Approved by, Mufti Ebrahim Desai. صحيح مسلم-دار احياء التراث العربي (2/ 1091) وحَدَّثَنِي إِبْرَاهِيمُ بْنُ مُوسَى الرَّازِيُّ، حَدَّثَنَا عِيسَى يَعْنِي ابْنَ يُونُسَ، حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ الْحَمِيدِ بْنُ جَعْفَرٍ، عَنْ عِمْرَانَ بْنِ أَبِي أَنَسٍ، عَنْ عُمَرَ بْنِ الْحَكَمِ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: «لَا يَفْرَكْ مُؤْمِنٌ مُؤْمِنَةً، إِنْ كَرِهَ مِنْهَا خُلُقًا رَضِيَ مِنْهَا آخَرَ» أَوْ قَالَ: «غَيْرَهُ» سنن أبي داود-المكتبة العصرية(4/ 253) [ii] حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ عُثْمَانَ الدِّمَشْقِيُّ أَبُو الْجَمَاهِرِ، قَالَ: حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو كَعْبٍ أَيُّوبُ بْنُ مُحَمَّدٍ السَّعْدِيُّ، قَالَ: حَدَّثَنِي سُلَيْمَانُ بْنُ حَبِيبٍ الْمُحَارِبِيُّ، عَنْ أَبِي أُمَامَةَ، قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: «أَنَا زَعِيمٌ بِبَيْتٍ فِي رَبَضِ الْجَنَّةِ لِمَنْ تَرَكَ الْمِرَاءَ وَإِنْ كَانَ مُحِقًّا، وَبِبَيْتٍ فِي وَسَطِ الْجَنَّةِ لِمَنْ تَرَكَ الْكَذِبَ وَإِنْ كَانَ مَازِحًا وَبِبَيْتٍ فِي أَعْلَى الْجَنَّةِ لِمَنْ حَسَّنَ خُلُقَهُ» السنن الكبرى للنسائي-موسسة الرسالة (8/ 261) [iii] أخبرنا محمد بن خلف قال: حدثنا آدم قال: حدثنا سليمان بن المغيرة قال: حدثنا ثابت البناني، عن أنس بن مالك قال: كانت صفية مع رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم في سفر، وكان ذلك يومها فأبطأت في المسير، فاستقبلها رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم وهي تبكي وتقول: «حملتني على بعير بطيء، فجعل رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم يمسح بيديه عينيها ويسكتها صحيح البخاري-دار طوق النجاة (7/ 36) [iv] حَدَّثَنَا عُبَيْدُ بْنُ إِسْمَاعِيلَ، حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو أُسَامَةَ، عَنْ هِشَامٍ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، عَنْ عَائِشَةَ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهَا، قَالَتْ: قَالَ لِي رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: «إِنِّي لَأَعْلَمُ إِذَا كُنْتِ عَنِّي رَاضِيَةً، وَإِذَا كُنْتِ عَلَيَّ غَضْبَى» قَالَتْ: فَقُلْتُ: مِنْ أَيْنَ تَعْرِفُ ذَلِكَ؟ فَقَالَ: " أَمَّا إِذَا كُنْتِ عَنِّي رَاضِيَةً، فَإِنَّكِ تَقُولِينَ: لاَ وَرَبِّ مُحَمَّدٍ، وَإِذَا كُنْتِ عَلَيَّ غَضْبَى، قُلْتِ: لاَ وَرَبِّ إِبْرَاهِيمَ " قَالَتْ: قُلْتُ: أَجَلْ وَاللَّهِ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ، مَا أَهْجُرُ إِلَّا اسْمَكَ [v] الأدب المفرد بالتعليقات (ص: 306)- مكتبة المعارف للنشر والتوزيع عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ: (تَهادُوا تَحابُوا) صحيح ـ «الإرواء») [ليس في شيء من الكتب الستة] مصنف ابن أبي شيبة-مكتبة الرشد (4/ 196) [vi] حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو بَكْرٍ قَالَ: نا وَكِيعٌ، قَالَ: نا بَشِيرُ بْنُ سَلْمَانَ، عَنْ عِكْرِمَةَ، عَنِ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ قَالَ: " إِنِّي أُحِبُّ أَنْ أَتَزَيَّنَ لِلْمَرْأَةِ، كَمَا أُحِبُّ أَنْ تَتَزَيَّنَ لِي الْمَرْأَةُ، لِأَنَّ اللَّهَ تَعَالَى يَقُولُ: {وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ} [البقرة: 228]، وَمَا أُحِبُّ أَنْ أَسْتَنْظِفَ جَمِيعَ حَقِّي عَلَيْهَا، لِأَنَّ اللَّهَ تَعَالَى يَقُولُ: {وَلِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيْهِنَّ دَرَجَةٌ} [البقرة: 228] سنن أبي داود-المكتبة العصرية (1/ 13) [vii] حَدَّثَنَا إِبْرَاهِيمُ بْنُ مُوسَى الرَّازِيُّ، أَخْبَرَنَا عِيسَى بْنُ يُونُسَ، عَنْ مِسْعَرٍ، عَنِ الْمِقْدَامِ بْنِ شُرَيْحٍ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، قَالَ: قُلْتُ: لِعَائِشَةَ بِأَيِّ شَيْءٍ كَانَ يَبْدَأُ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ إِذَا دَخَلَ بَيْتَهُ؟ قَالَتْ: «بِالسِّوَاكِ» صحيح البخاري-دار طوق النجاة (7/ 164) [viii] حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو نُعَيْمٍ، حَدَّثَنَا عَزْرَةُ بْنُ ثَابِتٍ الأَنْصَارِيُّ، قَالَ: حَدَّثَنِي ثُمَامَةُ بْنُ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ، عَنْ أَنَسٍ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ: أَنَّهُ كَانَ لاَ يَرُدُّ الطِّيبَ، وَزَعَمَ أَنَّ النَّبِيَّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ «كَانَ لاَ يَرُدُّ الطِّيبَ» سنن ابن ماجه-دار احياء الكتب العربية (2/ 826) [ix] حَدَّثَنَا عَمَّارُ بْنُ خَالِدٍ الْوَاسِطِيُّ قَالَ: حَدَّثَنَا عَلِيُّ بْنُ غُرَابٍ، عَنْ زُهَيْرِ بْنِ مَرْزُوقٍ، عَنْ عَلِيِّ بْنِ زَيْدِ بْنِ جَدْعَانَ، عَنْ سَعِيدِ بْنِ الْمُسَيِّبِ، عَنْ عَائِشَةَ، أَنَّهَا قَالَتْ: يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ مَا الشَّيْءُ الَّذِي لَا يَحِلُّ مَنْعُهُ؟ قَالَ: «الْمَاءُ، وَالْمِلْحُ، وَالنَّارُ» ، قَالَتْ: قُلْتُ: يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ هَذَا الْمَاءُ قَدْ عَرَفْنَاهُ، فَمَا بَالُ الْمِلْحِ وَالنَّارِ؟ قَالَ: «يَا حُمَيْرَاءُ مَنْ أَعْطَى نَارًا، فَكَأَنَّمَا تَصَدَّقَ بِجَمِيعِ مَا أَنْضَجَتْ تِلْكَ النَّارُ، وَمَنْ أَعْطَى مِلْحًا، فَكَأَنَّمَا تَصَدَّقَ بِجَمِيعِ مَا طَيَّبَ ذَلِكَ الْمِلْحُ، وَمَنْ سَقَى مُسْلِمًا شَرْبَةً مِنْ مَاءٍ، حَيْثُ يُوجَدُ الْمَاءُ، فَكَأَنَّمَا أَعْتَقَ رَقَبَةً، وَمَنْ سَقَى مُسْلِمًا شَرْبَةً مِنْ مَاءٍ، حَيْثُ لَا يُوجَدُ الْمَاءُ، فَكَأَنَّمَا أَحْيَاهَا» مسند أحمد ط الرسالة-مؤسسة الرسالة (23/ 161) [x] حَدَّثَنَا قُتَيْبَةُ بْنُ سَعِيدٍ، حَدَّثَنَا الْمُنْكَدِرُ بْنُ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ الْمُنْكَدِرِ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، عَنْ جَابِرِ بْنِ عَبْدِ اللهِ، قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: " كُلُّ مَعْرُوفٍ صَدَقَةٌ، وَإِنَّ مِنَ الْمَعْرُوفِ أَنْ تَلْقَى أَخَاكَ بِوَجْهٍ طَلْقٍ، وَأَنْ تُفْرِغَ مِنْ دَلْوِكَ فِي إِنَاءِ أَخِيكَ صحيح البخاري-دار طوق النجاة (1/ 20) [xi] حَدَّثَنَا الحَكَمُ بْنُ نَافِعٍ، قَالَ: أَخْبَرَنَا [ص:21] شُعَيْبٌ، عَنِ الزُّهْرِيِّ، قَالَ: حَدَّثَنِي عَامِرُ بْنُ سَعْدٍ، عَنْ سَعْدِ بْنِ أَبِي وَقَّاصٍ، أَنَّهُ أَخْبَرَهُ أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ: «إِنَّكَ لَنْ تُنْفِقَ نَفَقَةً تَبْتَغِي بِهَا وَجْهَ اللَّهِ إِلَّا أُجِرْتَ عَلَيْهَا، حَتَّى مَا تَجْعَلُ فِي فَمِ امْرَأَتِكَ» سنن الترمذي ت شاكر-شركة مكتبة البابي الحلبي (5/ 709) [xii] حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ يَحْيَى قَالَ: حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ يُوسُفَ قَالَ: حَدَّثَنَا سُفْيَانُ، عَنْ هِشَامِ بْنِ عُرْوَةَ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، عَنْ عَائِشَةَ، قَالَتْ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: «خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِهِ وَأَنَا خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِي، وَإِذَا مَاتَ صَاحِبُكُمْ فَدَعُوهُ» هَذَا حَدِيثٌ حَسَنٌ صَحِيحٌ وَرُوِيَ هَذَا عَنْ هِشَامِ بْنِ عُرْوَةَ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ مُرْسَلًا سنن أبي داود-المكتبة العصرية (3/ 29) [xiii] حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو صَالِحٍ الْأَنْطَاكِيُّ مَحْبُوبُ بْنُ مُوسَى، أَخْبَرَنَا أَبُو إِسْحَاقَ يَعْنِي الْفَزَارِيَّ، عَنْ هِشَامِ بْنِ عُرْوَةَ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، وَعَنْ أَبِي سَلَمَةَ [ص:30]، عَنْ عَائِشَةَ، رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهَا، أَنَّهَا كَانَتْ مَعَ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فِي سَفَرٍ قَالَتْ: فَسَابَقْتُهُ فَسَبَقْتُهُ عَلَى رِجْلَيَّ، فَلَمَّا حَمَلْتُ اللَّحْمَ سَابَقْتُهُ فَسَبَقَنِي فَقَالَ: «هَذِهِ بِتِلْكَ السَّبْقَةِ» صحيح البخاري-دار طوق النجاة (3/ 30) [xiv] حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ المُثَنَّى، حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى، عَنْ هِشَامٍ، قَالَ: أَخْبَرَنِي أَبِي، عَنْ عَائِشَةَ، عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ، ح، وحَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ اللَّهِ بْنُ مَسْلَمَةَ، عَنْ مَالِكٍ، عَنْ هِشَامٍ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، عَنْ عَائِشَةَ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهَا، قَالَتْ: «إِنْ كَانَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ لَيُقَبِّلُ بَعْضَ أَزْوَاجِهِ وَهُوَ صَائِمٌ»، ثُمَّ ضَحِكَتْ سنن النسائي-المطبوعات الاسلامية (1/ 149) [xv] أَخْبَرَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ مَنْصُورٍ قَالَ: حَدَّثَنَا سُفْيَانُ، عَنْ مِسْعَرٍ، عَنِ الْمِقْدَامِ بْنِ شُرَيْحٍ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ قَالَ: سَمِعْتُ عَائِشَةَ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهَا تَقُولُ: «كَانَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ يُنَاوِلُنِي الْإِنَاءَ فَأَشْرَبُ مِنْهُ وَأَنَا حَائِضٌ، ثُمَّ أُعْطِيهِ فَيَتَحَرَّى مَوْضِعَ فَمِي , فَيَضَعُهُ عَلَى فِيهِ» صحيح البخاري-دار طوق النجاة (1/ 67) [xvi] حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو نُعَيْمٍ الفَضْلُ بْنُ دُكَيْنٍ، سَمِعَ زُهَيْرًا، عَنْ مَنْصُورِ بْنِ صَفِيَّةَ، أَنَّ أُمَّهُ، حَدَّثَتْهُ أَنَّ عَائِشَةَ حَدَّثَتْهَا أَنَّ النَّبِيَّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: «كَانَ يَتَّكِئُ فِي حَجْرِي وَأَنَا حَائِضٌ، ثُمَّ يَقْرَأُ القُرْآنَ» http://www.askimam.org/public/question_detail/19600

10 Valuable Points for Happy Marriage 1. Both spouses should have the Fear of Allah. Allah consciousness is the core of a successful marriage. 2. Both spouses should never be angry at the same time. 3. There are sometimes arguments between spouses. If one has to win the argument, let it be the other. Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. Let him/her win the argument. 4. Both spouses should never shout at each other unless ‘the house is on fire!’. 5. If you have to criticise, then do it lovingly, with wisdom and diplomacy. Be a mirror to your husband/wife. 6. Never bring up mistakes of the past. 7. You should neglect the whole world, rather than your marriage partner. 8. Never sleep with an argument unsettled. 9. At least once a day express your gratitude to your partner. 10. When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it and ask for forgiveness. Do not justify your wrongs. Mufti Ebrahim Desai Darul Mahmood | darulmahmood.net

Question Assalamoalaequm, In Islam is any sort of relationship allowed between the sexes before marriage? I was approached by an older cousin who loves me very much but marriage is impossible for the next few years due to my age and the circumstances. I did not think that a secret affair would be right so I have since turned him down. He claimed that to love is not a sin only under some rules and regulations given by Islam. Was I right in refusing him even though I liked him a lot? And is it haraam upon me to think about/remember him? Jazakallahkhair. Answer Bismillaah-ir-Rahmaan-ir-Raheem. Wa 'Alaykum-us-Salaam wa Rahmatullaahi wa Barakaatuh. 1) Islam does not permit any sort of relationship before marriage. Islam forbids fornication, and all actions that could lead to it eventually, and this begins by speaking and looking. This is the unique Islamic way of destroying evil from the root. 2) He claims to love you very much, but if you are not considering marriage, it would be best for you to let go of the idea. It is worth considering, that what the youth of today see as undying love, is many a time nothing more than infatuation and puppy love. True love is the mutual feeling that Allaah creates between man and woman through the Barakah of Nikaah. You are still young, and your outlook in life, and your likes and dislikes will vastly change over the next few years. At this stage, you cannot be sure that this is what you want for life. It would be best for you to forget about him, and ask him to forget about you. If you are written for each other, let it happen at the right time, and in the right manner. Do not force your destiny to unfold before its time. 3) Your refusal of pursuing a Haraam (illicit) relationship, was the right and Islamic thing to do, which most certainly earned you the pleasure of Allaah, inshaAllaah. 4) Thinking about a non-mahram (strange) man voluntarily, is a sin. However if these thoughts come involuntarily, banish them immediately, seek forgiveness and make the Zhikr of Allaah. If you entertain them you shall be sinful. And Allaah knows best. Wa Billaah-it-tawfiq. Wassalaam. A. Z. Pandor Taken from: Muftisays

Absolute Submission Sayyiduna Mugheerah bin Shu’bah (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) reports the following incident: On one occasion, I sent a proposal to marry a girl of the Ansaar. When I mentioned this to Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam), he asked me, “Did you see the girl?” When I replied in the negative, Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) recommended to me, “Look at her, for it is more likely that there will be affection and love between you (i.e. if you marry her after looking at her and finding her pleasing to your eye, there will be a greater chance of your marriage prospering).” I thus proceeded to the girl’s home and told her parents what Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) had mentioned. Hearing that I wanted to look at their daughter, the parents were reluctant. Hence, I stood and began to leave their home. As I was leaving, the girl asked her parents to call me back. When I returned, she stood at the edge of the curtain and said, “If Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) instructed you to look at me then I permit you to do so. If not, then I strictly forbid you to look at me.” Accordingly, I looked at her and married her. Subsequently, she was extremely beloved to me and honoured in my sight. (Ibnun Najjaar – Kanzul ‘Ummaal #45619) Lessons: 1. The hayaa (modesty) of the Sahaabah (radhiyallahu ‘anhum) and their protectiveness over their womenfolk was such that the parents of the girl were initially reluctant when Sayyiduna Mugheerah (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) asked to see their daughter. Similarly, until she learnt that it was the instruction of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam), the daughter was not prepared to allow any strange man to look at her. 2. The Sahaabah (radhiyallahu ‘anhum) were blessed with the quality of absolute submission before the instruction of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam). Hence, they always put their own intellect, understanding and emotion aside and completely complied with the wishes and desires of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam), understanding that this was the key to success in both worlds. Similarly, if we wish true happiness and success, we will have to adhere strictly to the teachings of Deen. 3. Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) has taught us the guidelines that need to be adhered to regarding marriage, and has told us that following these guidelines are the key to a prosperous marriage. Hence, if we surpass the bounds of shari‘ah and begin to engage in impermissible practices, such as the boy and girl communicating or even dating before marriage, we will lose the barakah (blessings) and help of Allah Ta‘ala which is essential for the marriage to prosper. Thus, we should always refer to the ‘Ulama to find out the limits of shari‘ah so that we can ensure that we remain within the parameters of Deen. uswatulmuslimah

An Important Lesson for Married Couples This post is primarily directed at men. However, it applies to women also. Once a man approached a scholar renowned for his profound wisdom and experience, to complain to him, saying, “When I was fascinated by my wife, she was in my sight, the most beautiful thing in this world ever created by Allah.” “When I proposed to her, I began to see others equal to her in beauty.” “When I married her, I saw many others who were more elegant than her!” “A few years after our marriage, it appears to me as though all the women of this world are more classic and more sophisticated than my wife!” The wise man: “Shall I tell you what is more disastrous and more bitter?” The man replied: “Yes.” The wise man: “Were you to marry all the women in this world, you will find the stray dogs on the highways more attractive than all the women of the world!” The man: “Why do you say so?” The wise man: “Because the problem is not with your wife. The problem is, if a person were gifted a covetous heart and lustful eyes, and he is lacking in bashfulness, nothing satisfies his gaze except the sand of his grave. Your problem is that you do not lower your gaze from what Allah has prohibited. Do you want your wife to be returned to her previous lofty position as the most beautiful woman on earth? The man: “Yes.” The wise man: “Lower your gaze. Allah says, “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.). That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is All-Aware of what they do.” That which is not in your possession will always appear to you to be better and more precious than what is in your possession. But once you lay your hands on it, it becomes ordinary. Be content with what you possess and do not be selfish, courting all that glitter till you land in your grave. The worship of Allah is better and more attractive. The sweetness of good deeds are only appreciated by those who live for it. Finally, do not forget to invoke Allah to always beautify your spouse in your sight and grant you his or her love and compassion. Jamiatul Ulama (KZN) Council of Muslim Theologians