ummtaalib

Real Investment Mother of Moulana Muhammad ‘Umar Paalanpuri (rahimahullah) – Part Four Once Maryam Khala narrated to her the hadeeth regarding the parent of a Haafiz receiving a crown of honour on the Day of Qiyaamah. Hearing this she teared and told her son, Moulana ‘Umar Saheb (rahimahullah): “You must become a Haafiz of the Quraan Majeed and an ‘Aalim of deen.” He said to her: “What will happen to my school education.” This great woman replied: “I am least concerned about that, you need to study the divine knowledge.” All her relatives opposed her saying: “He is doing very well in school. If you have to take him out from school and he only studies deen, he will be dependent on others for his livelihood.” She replied: “You are only concerned about the world. However if he really studies deen, the world would come at his feet.” Notwithstanding the great opposition and financial constraints, she insisted on her son studying deen. When he reached the final year of his studies, she became very ill. Her feet were too weak to support her and she lost her eyesight. Despite all of this, she sent him more than thousand miles away to complete his studies. After a while her condition deteriorated even further and most of her relatives came to visit her (to be at her side during what seemed to be her last days). Finally they all wished to call Moulana, but she refused and said: “If Allah Ta‘ala asks me what I have brought, I shall say: ‘O My Rabb! I am empty handed and have nothing to present before you, besides my beloved son whom I have sent in your path, only for your sake, so that he can be a means of my salvation.” Then a state of drowsiness prevailed over her. As her final moments drew closer, she exclaimed: “I can get a very sweet smell,” although she had lost her smell by then. She then made salaam and smiled. Thereafter she fell unconscious. When she regained her consciousness and was asked what had happened, she replied: “I saw my son, Muhammad ‘Umar, with two angels on either side of him. Hence I made salaam and smiled at my son.” Not long thereafter, this pious woman breathed her last and left this world. After her demise, her son Moulana ‘Umar Saheb (rahimahullah) saw her in a dream and inquired from her as to where she was? She replied in Arabic: “I am in Jannah.” (Reference: Sawaanih Hazrat Moulana Muhammad ‘Umar Paalanpuri (rahimahullah), pgs. 59 - 68 and Misaalee Khawaateen, pgs. 270 – 274) Lesson: Subhanallah! This is the good death and great reward that Allah Ta‘ala grants the one who sacrifices for His sake. Every mother should have this aspiration of choosing the line of deen for her children, the benefit of which she would receive in this world and the next.

True Values Mother of Moulana Muhammad ‘Umar Paalanpuri (rahimahullah) – Part Three From a tender age she instilled true values in her children and passed on great lessons to them. Moulana ‘Umar Saheb (rahimahullah) explained the following examples: 1. “Since I reached the age of understanding, I can recall seeing my mother performing salaah and crying before Allah Ta‘ala in du‘aa.” 2. “When she would buy something for us, she would ask us to share it among ourselves. Then she would carefully observe who was more greedy and who was more generous. Thereafter she would correct us accordingly.” 3. “Once she was explaining to us the terrifying conditions of the grave and the questions of the two angels. So I said to her: ‘I have already learnt the answers to these questions’ (as she had previously taught it to us). She replied: ‘This tongue of flesh will not work in the grave; rather the tongue of actions will speak. So do good actions.’” 4. “She would say: ‘O my Son! If you wish to backbite anyone, you rather speak ill of me, so that your rewards would come to me and it would remain within our own home.’ What she really meant is that you should not be so silly to backbite others and pass over all your rewards to them.” Lesson: While it is important for a mother to see to the physical well-being of her children, it is even more imperative for her to instil the correct qualities, values and character in them.

Story Time Mother of Moulana Muhammad ‘Umar Paalanpuri (rahimahullah) – Part Two Though she was not a very learned woman, she would however regularly visit a pious and learned woman in her neighbourhood known as Maryam Khala, from whom she would learn various aspects of deen and imaan. Through the blessings of this pious company, she developed a very high level of fear of Allah Ta‘ala and concern for the Hereafter. Throughout her life she strove to pass on the same fear and concern to her children. She would do this by narrating to them the various incidents of the Messengers of Allah Ta‘ala that appear in the Quraan Majeed. Moulana (rahimahullah) says: "I can still recall my mother explaining Surah Kahaf as well as the incident in Surah Burooj of that wicked ruler who ordered that the believers be driven into a ditch of fire. These incidents were explained to us while we were still little children." Lessons: Pious company has a dynamic effect in conditioning one’s mind and moulding it in the correct direction. Similarly bad company is extremely dangerous in corrupting one’s thought process. One should also bear in mind that companions are not only humans who we can talk to and laugh with. Websites, magazines, social media, the TV and Radio programmes are the new companions of the modern age. Narrating the incidents of the pious is a great tool in the correct nurturing and upbringing of a child. We also need to encourage our children to read authentic Islamic literature, and discourage them from stories and novels that influence them negatively.

An Inspirational Woman Mother of Moulana Muhammad ‘Umar Paalanpuri (rahimahullah) – Part One Moulana Muhammad ‘Umar Paalanpuri (rahimahullah) was a great scholar and famous daa‘iee (preacher) of the recent past. His foreign da’wah travels amount to eighty one, apart from the twenty hajj that he had performed. Allah Ta‘ala had blessed him with an amazing manner of oration. He would regularly address crowds of hundreds of thousands in one gathering. Thousands would be inspired to repent from their wrongs, change the direction of their lives and resolve to sacrifice their wealth, time and lives for the cause of Allah’s deen. However, the question is: “Who was that great person who had inspired this inspirational personality?” It was none other than … His Mother. He was orphaned at the age of eight, hence she had nurtured him as a single parent. In fact this great acceptance that he enjoyed was actually her du‘aa and prediction. Once while he was still a student, and was reading some incidents to his mother using an oil lamp, she said: “O my Son! Today I am the only one who is listening to you in this dark house, however Allah Ta‘ala will show you that day when hundreds of thousands would be listening to your lectures.” Insha-Allah in the next three parts we would discuss a few amazing qualities of this great woman. May Allah Ta‘ala make us all inspirational personalities, who inspire towards good and virtue, aameen. uswatulmuslimah

Q: Please could you tell me what is the correct way of disposing of the Placenta after birth and whether getting it incinerated is allowed? A: It is important to treat the human body and parts of it with respect. The placenta/afterbirth etc. should therefore be buried. Hence one should request this from the hospital and bury it. It should not be incinerated. And Allah Ta'ala Knows Best M.D. Mangera (Mufti) Fatwa Dept. DarulIhsan

The Rights of Allah Ta‘ala and the Rights of the Family Mother of Mufti Muhammad Taqi Usmaani (hafizahullah) – Part Three Mufti Muhammad Taqi Usmaani Saheb (hafizahullah) writes: “Allah Ta‘ala had blessed my mother with a passion for carrying out optional acts of worship. Until before she became bed-ridden, she would never miss her practices of Quraan recitation, du‘aa, zikr, tasbeeh and nafl (optional) salaah. From the break of dawn till mid-night, she would be busy seeing to the children, serving my father and taking care of her elderly mother-in-law, to such an extent that she would never get a break during this entire duration. Yet her spiritual practices never suffered. These practices continued even after she became bed-ridden. When she became paralysed and even exempted from doing these practices, then too she would face the qiblah at the time of salaah and read whatever she could manage. A few days before her demise, whilst turning towards the qiblah, she had a second attack of paralysis and fell on to the bed. Whilst she was in this state of uneasiness, I saw her moving her hand, trying to look for something under her pillow. I realised that she wanted her tasbeeh which used to be kept there. When I passed it to her, although she didn’t have the ability to recite with her tongue, she continuously moved the beads of the tasbeeh with her hand until she became unconscious. A few days later she left this world. Thus the last two things that she did whilst she was conscious were, turning to the qiblah for salaah, and moving the beads of the tasbeeh.” (Nuqooshe Raftagaa pg. 162) Lesson: A famous statement declares: “As you live, so will you die.” Those who devoted their lives to Allah Ta‘ala, they eventually meet Allah Ta‘ala in such a wonderful way. If we also wish to have a wonderful death, let us start living an excellent life - a life that is free from sins and filled with righteous actions.

Mother’s Lap – The First Classroom Mother of Mufti Muhammad Taqi Usmaani (hafizahullah) – Part Two Mufti Muhammad Taqi Usmaani (hafizahullah) writes: “My mother’s lap was not only a cradle, rather it was a vibrant centre of learning and nurturing. She educated me not with books, but with her practical life. Although she was not a graduate of a college, university or madrasah, and had limited home education, she possessed such impeccable character and such a knack of nurturing which is not even found in professional women who hold high qualifications. Patience, contentment, sacrifice, preferring others, and courage were all her second nature. Apart from this, she also taught me the elementary Urdu books, since there were no organized deeni institutes when we moved over to Pakistan.” (Nuqooshe Raftagaa pg. 160) Lesson: The mother’s lap has generally been the place where all great people were nurtured. Many great luminaries in Islamic history were in fact orphans and were raised single-handed by their mothers. However this is only possible if the mother is focused towards inculcating true values in the child.

A Pillar of Support to Grand-Muftis Mother of Mufti Muhammad Taqi Usmaani (hafizahullah) – Part One Mufti Muhammad Shafee’ (rahimahullah) was a great scholar and the Grand Mufti of Pakistan. He rendered great services for this Ummah. Allah Ta‘ala blessed his progeny with great knowledge and piety. Two of his sons, Mufti Muhammad Rafee’ Usmaani and Mufti Muhammad Taqi Usmaani (hafizahumallah), are world renowned muftis. However his wife played a vital role in all of this goodness. Her son, Mufti Muhammad Taqi Usmaani (hafizahullah), writes: “The biggest support to me in life, after my father’s death, was my mother. Her compassion was a cure for all worries and her affectionate look would remove the bitterness of all the difficulties of life. My father’s entire life was devoted to the cause of Islam and my mother supported him through all the turbulent times. Infact, she had relieved him largely from all domestic worries to allow him to serve deen untroubled. Because of this, insha-Allah she would definitely receive a great share in all the good works my honorable father had done.” (Nuqooshe Raftagaa pg. 159-160) Lesson: This is the need of the time: Mothers who will inspire and motivate their children with Islamic values, and wives who will support their husbands in the effort of deen. We should never become obstacles in the spread of Islam. Our concern should be the pleasure of Allah Ta‘ala and the progress of deen.

Jumu'ah started for us...lets increase durood

The People of the Orchard Allaah speaks in Surah Qalam about the people of an orchard. There was a pious man from Yemen who lived in a place called Dowraan. He was very wealthy and owned vast orchards. Whenever he harvested his crops, he kept for himself only what was needed and gave the rest away to the poor. However, when he passed away, his sons stopped the practice because they wanted everything for themselves. They therefore decided to harvest the crops long before daybreak so that no poor people could come and beg from them. That night Allaah sent a hot wind, which ignited the crops and caused them all to burn to the ground. The sons proceeded for the harvesting early in the morning, only to discover that everything was lost. They then saw the error of their intentions and repented. (From "Madrasah in Just 5 Minutes" - Mufti A.H.Elias) A Parable of the Removal of the Earnings of the Disbelievers Quran Tafsir Ibn Kathir

The mashaikh advice us to recite at least 300 durood daily and increase it on Fridays There are many to choose from and it can even be a short one like "sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam".

(click on picture to enlarge)

Daughter bought a brand new Iphone 6. She got a screen protector along and beautiful phone cover as well. She showed her new phone to her dad and the conversation is as follows.. Dad: this is a nice phone. How much did you pay for it? Daughter: it's 700 dollars for the phone, 20 dollars for the phone cover, 5 dollars for the screen protector. Dad: oh why did you get the screen protector and the phone cover, you could have saved 25 dollars. Daughter: dad! I've spent 700 dollars on my phone whats the point if I don't spend 25 dollars for its safety? And more over this cover makes my phone look beautiful. Dad: is it not an insult to the apple company that it did not make the phone safe enough? Daughter: no dad! They in fact recommend us to get the screen protector and the phone cover for its safety. And I dint want it to get damaged. Dad: does it reduce the beauty of the phone? Daughter: no it doesn't. It makes my phone look more beautiful. Dad looked at his daughter and smiled lovingly. And said, my daughter you know I love you, you paid 700 dollars for a phone and you spent 25 dollars for its safety. I've paid my life on you and what is the point If you do not cover yourself with hijab for your own safety. This phone will not be questioned on aakhirah but my daughter you and me will be questioned.

Reasons why Victims do not leave Abusive Marriages Of the many reasons given regarding why victims remain in abusive marriages, for female victims, the main ones seem to be "for the children's sake" and "financial support". Other reasons discussed by Sister Saba Syed: As for male victims, there is an added reason ~~~ Back to Table of Contents

Effects of Prohibited Foods By Dr. Shahid Athar It is not required of a believer to always find a scientific justification for divine prohibitions. However, if they look and find it, they must share the information that will increase their faith. On the contrary, however, lack of confirmation should not cast doubt on the authenticity of the Qur’an. We believe that all Qur’anic statements are true. If science has not confirmed some of them yet, it may do so in the future. It may be that it needs to examine its data more deeply or repeat the experiment. For the benefits of non-medical readers, before we discuss hormonal and behavioral effects of prohibited food, intoxicants and ingredients, we need to define some medical terms and inter-relationships that are involved in this discussion. HORMONES These are the powerful secretions of the endocrine (internal) glands. They control the functions of all organs and even individual cells. They are made from protein and are peptides or sterol in nature. Thyroid hormones control our metabolism, energy level, and temperature tolerance. Behind them are para-thyroid glands, which control our calcium metabolism. In the abdomen are the adrenal glands above the kidneys, which secrete cortisone, the life-saving essential hormone, and catecholamines and aldosterone, which control our blood pressure and heart rate. Steroids and catecholamines are derived from cholesterol. Also in the abdomen are the pancreas, which secretes insulin, which lowers blood sugar, and glycogen, which raises a low blood sugar. Lower down in the pelvis are gonads, ovaries in women, and testes in men, which secrete estrogen, progesterone and testosterone respectively. All these hormones have internal control and influence each other. They control our growth, muscle mass, bone development, temperature tolerance, blood pressure, energy, fertility, sex desire, thirst and well being in general. HOW DO HORMONES AFFECT BEHAVIORClinically we see various behavioral manifestations in endocrine disorders. Hypoglycemic patients (low blood sugar) suffer from depression and poor mental concentration. Patients with low thyroid have impotency and depression. Those with high thyroid have agitation, irritability, and lack of sleep. Patients with low cortisone (Addison disease) have severe depression; while with high cortisone have hallucinations and psychosis. Patients with high testosterone have been claimed to have criminal tendencies (i.e. rapists) while those with low testosterone have problems in behavior adjustment. Patients with calcium and sodium imbalance likewise have marked mental changes. Physiologically boys and girls differ in behavior i.e. aggressive versus passive (playing with mechanical toys and guns versus dolls) due to differences in their sex hormone even in prepubertal age. This becomes more obvious after full sex differentiation takes place. In fact by changing the sex hormone level of a given sex, one can change not only the sexual behavior but also the aggressiveness of a particular sex. Homosexual males have been noted to have less male sex hormone, and on the other hand repeated male sex offender can be cured by castration or by injection of the female hormone progesterone. In one experiment female rats whose mothers were treated with testosterone while pregnant, showed male behavior pattern of threatening peers, rough play, and increased sexual activity as compared to the control rat. This shows that the effect of testosterone not only affects the individual but the offspring as well. In humans, girls with congenital adrenal hyperplasia (excessive testosterone secretion) at the age of post puberty, show a tomboy attitude with preference for rough sports, preferring boys as playmates, and low interest in dolls and baby care! Sexual behavior is not only affected by testosterone, but also by the pineal gland, which is turned, off and on by light and darkness. Hormones, not directly, but indirectly control blood sugar, calcium, sodium balance, affect behavior in general anger, love, anxiety, panic attacks and agitation. The hyperactivity in children could be due to low blood sugar many food preservatives and coloring agent like nitrates and dyes. HORMONAL AND BEHAVIORAL EFFECT OF PORK AND FAT INGESTIONPork and pig fat is not only prohibited in the Qur’an,. But also in the Bible because “swine were designed to be scavengers, to eat up filth.” In the Old Testament, Leviticus Chapter 7-8, it is mentioned about swine, “Though he divides the hoof and be cloven-footed, yet he chews not the cud, he is unclean to you. Of their flesh shall you not eat.” There is no mention in the Bible that Jesus ever ate pork in his life. It was Paul who declared all food and drink permissible saying, “To the pure, everything is pure.” The Habits of SwineTo get a first hand idea, I interviewed farmers of Fisher, Indiana, who breed swine. According to them, “Swine is cheaper to breed, since it does not require pasture. It can live on manure and other such items including dead meat. In fact it can cat its own feces. Their sexual habits are also different than other animals like cows, sheep and goats. They have very little shame i.e. engage in sex acts anytime any place while others sometime wait for darkness. The female hog is very aggressive in sexual activity. When she is in “heat” she does not care about anything (i.e. food or privacy) until she has sex. Swine, also lick the genitalia of their partners after sex like dogs, but unlike other mammals like cows, sheep or goats.” Why is Pork Fat Different From Other Animal Fat? Fats are lipids, which are a source of energy. They can be of vegetable source or animal source. Triglycerides are neutral fats with 1 molecule of glycerol and 3 fatty acids. The fatty acids can be saturated or unsaturated. The more unsaturated fats have high melting points. The iodine value of fat gives the degree of saturation. The iodine value of lard is 65, beef 45, and mutton 32. If a person eats the fat of a herbivorous animal, the fat will be hydrolyzed, absorbed, and then resynthesized and stored as human fat, while that of carnivorous fat will not be hydrolyzed and therefore has to be deposited in humans as pork fat in the adipose tissue. What Has Deposition of Pork Fat to Do With Hormone and Behavior in Humans?Circulating hormones are in bound from and free form. The free form has to be attached to the receptor in fat tissue before becoming active. Obesity decreases the number of receptors. Therefore hormones cannot utilize them. Therefore, if the hormone is insulin, it leads to diabetes (type 2), and if it is testosterone, it leads to sub fertility and amenorrhea. The amount of fat also controls hormone release. Therefore we see menarche is delayed in athletics girls with less fat, and occurs early in sedentary overweight girls. It can be postulated that in humans who have pork human fat deposit, there is derangement in the binding of hormones. It is possible that sexual promiscuity and deviant sexual practices of pork eating society is due to what they eat! After all, it has been said by nutritionist, ” You are what you eat.” Since this is an essay on hormones and behavior, the effect of pork on cholesterol, sodium and the relationship to heart disease are not mentioned here . EFFECTS OF DEAD MEAT AND BLOOD INGESTIONDead meat is the meat of an animal, which dies before slaughtering, and its blood was not drained out. Blood ingestion is not only the drinking of blood, prevalent in the days of ignorance in Arabia or even now in Africa, but also the blood which is retained inside the meat by improper killing of the animal. All hormones and antibodies are retained in the blood. All infective organisms, including virus, flourish in the blood. Therefore ingestion of such will be dangerous. It may also induce animal instincts similar to those found in carnivorous animal like dogs, cats and lions. HORMONAL EFFECTS OF ALCOHOL Both in acute and chronic alcoholism, endocrine glands are affected. Hypoglycemia may result in acute alcoholism, which may be severe and can lead to coma. This should be recognized and treated with IV dextrose since it may not respond to glycogen. Low magnesium with resultant low calcium is another effect of resulting in poor concentration, muscle twitching and even seizure. Increase in urine flow is due to suppression of antidiuretic hormone. Chronic alcoholism leads to pancreatitis with failure of pancreatic endocrine system sometime (diabetes) and exocrine gland (malnutrition). This leads to protein deficiency leading to reduced production of testosterone. This leads to impotency, gynecomastia in men and amenorrhea in women. Alcoholics liver disease causes increased clearance of testosterone with testicular atrophy leading to true hypogonadism. Sperm formation is also affected leading to infertility. Infants born to alcoholic mothers can also have undescended testes and labial hypoplasia. In addition, the cortisol levels are increased during withdrawal while I.H and I.H-RH levels are suppressed during chronic alcoholism. BEHAVIORAL EFFECTS OF ALCOHOLAlcohol being a CNS depressant, depresses both facilitatory and inhibitory pathways. It is the suppression of the latter that discards the shame and removes control. Therefore, what an average person des not normally do i.e. use abusive language, undress in public, etc. he may perform under the influence of alcohol. There are more serious behavioral disorders described to include brain dysfunction in 50-70%: memory loss, depression, both acute and chronic, high suicide rate, mood fluctuation, delirium tremulous (DTS) in withdrawal state, and blackout spells during acute drinking. One third of all auto accidents are due to alcoholism. Under the influence of alcohol, mental judgment and motor skill are affected. Sometime the level of consciousness is also affected. Alcohol has been also found to be at the root of family violence, sexual violence, rape, assault, and child abuse. Alcohol is not aphrodisiac as it is claimed. It not only depresses the central nervous system effect on libido but also actually lowers the penile blood flow and tumescence (Swelling) thereby decreasing performance. EFFECTS OF NARCOTICS (COCAINE AND MARIJUANA) ON HORMONES AND BEHAVIORBoth LSD and cocaine causes decrease in plasma testosterone and LH. The aphrodisiac effect is due to local anesthesia, causing prolonged erection and central stimulation causing general well being. Also by inhibiting inhibitions, they encourage engagement in unusual sex acts like a false sense of euphoria flowed by depression, anxiety and agitation. Panic attacks, suicidal tendencies, violent behavior are not uncommon. Chronic usage may lead to schizophrenia, paranoia and a variety of psychiatric disorders. Even infants born to cocaine mothers show signs of withdrawal. EFFECTS OF INGREDIENTS ON HORMONES AND BEHAVIOURIf prohibited ingredients i.e. pork, lard, alcohol, cocaine etc. are consumed, the effect will be as described earlier, though because of the small quantity it may be slow and cumulative. More serious are items like sugar which causes reactive hypoglycemia, sodium which may lead to hypertension, nitrates and nitrites (used in meat preservation) linked to cancer, DES (diethylstilbestrol, a female hormone given to cattle to increase fat and muscle content) linked to vaginal and cervical cancer in women, and artificial sweeteners like saccharin related to bladder cancer in rats, and asperate related to brain damage. CONCLUSIONMore research is needed on all of the above areas especially those affecting the lifestyle of Muslims to determine their affects more accurately. Though usage of prohibited items are not commonly found in Muslims, the dangers also may come to their health and spirits by the effects of non-prohibited items like western rock music, dress (i.e. tight jeans affecting testicular temperature) and sexual practices, and cigarette smoking. SELECTED REFERANCES Badri, M. B. Islam and Alcoholism. Indianapolis, IN: ATP Publication. Drucker, W. M. “Endocrine Abnormalities Caused by Alcoholism” Medical Aspect of Human Sexuality, Vol. 16, No. 12, Dec. 1982. Eckardt et all. “Health Hazard Associated With Alcohol Consumption.” JAMA 8.7.81. Felig and Baxter. Endocrinology and Metabolism. Goodhart and Shils. Modern Nutrition In Health And Disease. 6th Ed. Qur’an: 2:173, 5:4, 6:145, 16:115, 2:219, 4:43, 5:90, 5:91. Qardawi, Yusuf al-. The Lawful and Prohibited in Islam, pp. 39-61. Sakr, Ahmad. The Food Nutrition Manual. Saud, M. A. Sex Roles in Muslim Families of U.S.A. Published in Al-Ittihad. William, R. H. Test Book of Endocrinology. 6th Ed. Chapter on Psychoendocrinology. Washton and Stone. “Human Cost of Cocaine Use.” Medical Aspect of Human Sexuality, Vol. 18, No. 11 Nov 1984. Courtesy of Dr Shahid Athar. He is currently a clinical associate professor of medicine, Indiana University, School of Medicine, Indiana University, School of Medicine and Chief, section of Endocrinology at St. Vincent Hospital in Indianapolis, Indiana. He is president-elect of Islamic Medical Association of North America (IMANA) and has authored 6 books and over 120 published articles on Islamic topics. eathalal.com

Psychological Tsunami By: Haleh Banani, MA Clinical Psychology Domestic violence affects the psychological and emotional well being of a woman the way a tsunami brings colossal destruction and unparalleled devastation to a metropolitan city. The unpredictability and dangerous nature of men who abuse their wives creates terror, anxiety and depression in women, the way a storm indiscriminately destroys without warning; leaving inhabitants in a state of shock and constant fear. The deep, emotional scars last much longer than the superficial bruises and broken bones that usually demand our attention and provoke our sympathy. The emotional debris will take years to completely be cleared causing emotional bankruptcy and vulnerability which can lead to suicide. The ferocious waves of violence cause a series of long lasting, psychological damages: Depression Domestic violence floods women with feelings of sadness, hopelessness and despair which generally lead to depression. 60% of battered women reported having depression which is the most common symptom of domestic violence.3 Depression is a mood disorder in which feelings of sadness, loss, anger, or frustration interfere with everyday life for weeks or longer. Sadness affects every aspect of life: thoughts, feelings, sleeping, eating, physical health, relationships and the ability to function at work. When victims experience interpersonal violence from a spouse or family member, they are at high risk for mental and emotional illnesses. There is a strong feeling of abandonment, betrayal and instability when they are abused by someone who should be protecting and nurturing them. Although it is natural to feel sad when faced with difficult tests, as a believer it is critical to understand that there is wisdom in everything that happens. Understanding and accepting divine destiny does not mean tolerating abuse by any means. It simply means that life is filled with tests and that trust needs to be placed in Allah while searching for the right solutions. It was narrated by Suhayb that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “How amazing is the condition of the believer, for all his affairs are good. If something good happens to him, he gives thanks for it and he is rewarded; if something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience, and he is also awarded.” Narrated by Muslim (2999). Do not despair of solace from Allah. No one despairs of solace from Allah except for people who do not believe. (Surah Yusuf 87) Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) After the devastation of domestic violence, most women experience the aftershock of abuse: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). PTSD is a type of anxiety disorder which can occur after you've seen or experienced a traumatic event that involved the threat of injury or death. It is very common for victims of domestic violence to continue to fear their spouse even if they have separated. PTSD is characterized by symptoms such as flashbacks, intrusive imagery, nightmares, anxiety, emotional numbing, insomnia, hyper-vigilance and avoidance of traumatic triggers. There are many factors that affect the intensity of PTSD: severity of the violence, the duration of exposure, early-age onset and the victim's cognitive assessment of the violence (perceived degree of threat, predictability and control-ability). The way to cope with any form of anxiety is turning to Allah and trusting His plan while striving hard to overcome the fear. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “No exhaustion, pain, anxiety, grief, harm or distress befalls a Muslim, not even a thorn that pricks him, but Allah will expiate some of his sins with them.” Narrated by al-Bukhari (5318) and Muslim (2573). Anxiety Fear and anxiety consume a victim of domestic violence the way a tidal wave engulfs a city. The fear lingers in a woman's psyche long after the abuse has taken place. This anxiety can prevent her from concentrating, falling asleep and performing at home or work. Paranoia and inability to trust others are the most frequent traits of the victims of domestic violence. 25 million Americans suffer from anxiety disorders which are the most common of emotional disorders. Some of the symptoms may include: Overwhelming feelings of panic and fear Uncontrollable obsessive thoughts Painful, intrusive memories Recurring nightmares Physical symptoms such as feeling sick to your stomach, “butterflies” in your stomach, heart pounding, startling easily and muscle tension The most beloved people, the prophets, were tested the most. It is essential to keep the stories of the prophets in mind and recall that instead of feeling anxious when faced with threat, oppression and harm, they put their trust in Allah. وَلَنَبْلُوَنَّكُم بِشَيْءٍ مِّنَ الْخَوْفِ وَالْجُوعِ وَنَقْصٍ مِّنَ الْأَمْوَالِ وَالْأَنفُسِ وَالثَّمَرَاتِ ۗ وَبَشِّرِ الصَّابِرِينَ We will test you with a certain amount of fear and hunger and loss of wealth and life and fruits. But give good news to the steadfast (Surat al-Baqara, 155) الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَتَطْمَئِنُّ قُلُوبُهُم بِذِكْرِ اللَّهِ ۗ أَلَا بِذِكْرِ اللَّهِ تَطْمَئِنُّ الْقُلُوبُ “Those who believe, and whose hearts find satisfaction in the remembrance of Allah: Without a doubt in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction. (Al-Raad 28) Low Self-Esteem Verbal and emotional abuse are like earthquakes that brutally shake the foundation of a woman's self-esteem. They shatter her self- confidence, tear down her sense of security and destroy her self-respect . Each degrading remark, criticism and profanity is like a bulldozer that vehemently annihilates her sense of self-worth. The deep, emotional and psychological scars that are burned into her heart from the cursing, name-calling and humiliation will disable her from achieving her potentials, nurturing her children and attaining peace. She becomes so crippled emotionally that it is next to impossible to leave. Suicidal Like the victims of natural disasters that discover they have nothing left to live for, victims of domestic violence feel so overwhelmed with grief and hopelessness that many attempt suicide. The feeling of helplessness and hopelessness that many victims fall prey to has a profoundly undermining effect on their mental and emotional well being.4 Many times these women simply give up on life and they experience learned helplessness where they lose the will to live. Here are some of the signs of suicide contemplation: Talking about killing or harming one's self Expressing strong feelings of hopelessness or being trapped An unusual preoccupation with death or dying Acting recklessly, as if they have a death wish (e.g. speeding through red lights) Calling or visiting people to say goodbye Getting affairs in order (giving away prized possessions, tying up loose ends) Saying things like “Everyone would be better off without me” or “I want out.” If you think a friend or family member is considering suicide, express your concern and seek professional help immediately. Talking openly about suicidal thoughts and feelings can save a life.6 See Suicide Prevention: Signs of Suicide and How to Help a Suicidal Person. The problems and difficulties that people endure are known and for a temporary period of time. Compare that to being faced with the unknown punishment in the hereafter for committing suicide for all eternity. يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لَا تَأْكُلُوا أَمْوَالَكُم بَيْنَكُم بِالْبَاطِلِ إِلَّا أَن تَكُونَ تِجَارَةً عَن تَرَاضٍ مِّنكُمْ ۚ وَلَا تَقْتُلُوا أَنفُسَكُمْ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ بِكُمْ رَحِيمًا O you who have believed, do not consume one another's wealth unjustly but only [in lawful] business by mutual consent. And do not kill yourselves [or one another]. Indeed, Allah is to you ever Merciful. 4:29 After a psychological tsunami that ruthlessly destroys feelings of self-worth and security, there needs to be massive action taken to recover from the lasting damages. The first step is to clean up the emotional debris and the shattered feelings. Time and money needs to be invested to reestablish self-worth. If the amount of damage is overwhelming, seek the support and guidance of professionals to overcome the devastation. Next, focused effort needs to be put in rebuilding self-esteem. By not internalizing the negative, destructive comments of others and reconfirming all positive traits, self-respect and dignity will be rebuilt. Trust in the self and in others will be essential in creating a strong foundation for developing lasting relationships. Perhaps the most important aspect of recovery is to gain hope in the future. Once the fire of hope is ignited it will shine so brightly and provide the necessary motivation to overcome all obstacles and to help others facing the same challenges. If you or someone you know is a VICTIM of abuse know: You are NOT ALONE There are avenues for HELP Ensure the SAFETY of you and your children You are a VALUABLE person who is worthy of love It is NEVER ACCEPTABLE to be physically, verbally or emotionally abused Narrated Abu Ma'bad, that the Prophet said, “… and be afraid of the supplication of an oppressed person because there is no screen between his invocation and Allah.” Sahih Bukhari: Volume 2, Book 24, Number 573. If you or someone you know is the ABUSER: Seek professional help to MANAGE YOUR ANGER It is not too late to CHANGE YOURSELF and CHANGE YOUR LIFE Find an OUTLET (sport or other activity) to release stress and frustration Seek the SUPPORT of family and friends REAL MEN DON'T ABUSE! “Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or he is oppressed.” The Prophet was asked: “It is right to help him if he is oppressed, but how should we help him if he is an oppressor?” He replied: “By preventing him from oppressing others.” Sahih Bukhari, Volume 3, Hadith 624 In Islam, Prophet Muhammad (peace and prayer upon him) taught us to live with impeccable character and to treat our spouse with kindness, compassion and understanding. He said that the best man is he who is best to his wife. We should all aspire to live by his exceptional example. References: http://www.womensweb.ca/violence/dv/pregnancy.php Types of Trauma: Domestic Violence – San Francisco depression | Examiner.com http://www.examiner.com/depression-in-san-francisco/types-of-trauma-domestic-violence#ixzz1ZstUJQB9 http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/effects.shtml Types of Trauma: Domestic Violence – San Francisco depression | Examiner.com http://www.examiner.com/depression-in-san-francisco/types-of-trauma-domestic-violence#ixzz1Zsu4uQTE http://www.examiner.com/depression-in-san-francisco/types-of-trauma-domestic-violence Suicide Prevention: Signs of Suicide and How to Help a Suicidal Person. Source

NO to Domestic Violence in Islam | Mufti Hussain Kamani | The Prophet said: "Among the Muslims the most perfect, as regards his faith, is the one whose character is excellent, and the best among you are those who treat their wives well." - Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 628 | Narrated by Abu Hurayrah Sadly, the curse of domestic violence plagues Muslim and Non-Muslim communities all over the globe. In this segment, Mufti Hussain Kamani reminds the listener as to why any form of domestic violence (Physical, emotional or Mental abuse) is forbidden in prohibited in Islam. Thousands of women are killed each year all over the world including the US and sadly for far too long this issue has been pushed under the rugs. This practice goes against the Sunnah of Prophet as he never abused his wives and instructed his companions to be among those who stand up against injustice and oppression. It is high time that we as take the lead in insuring that Domestic violence is not just reduced but completed eradicated from our communities. Source

Male Victims of Domestic Abuse Domestic abuse is generally seen as a female victim / male perpetrator problem however the evidence points to a different picture. Husband battering is no laughing matter Cii News | 09 Safar 1436/02 December 2014 It may be difficult to believe but the flip side of domestic violence paints the picture of a man, battered and abused at the hands of an angry and unreasonable wife. Incidents of abused men are no different to those told by women. Men abused by their wives are kicked, hit, stabbed and pushed down stairs and through plate glass doors. They are emotionally and verbally degraded, and like their female counterparts, men often cover up for their wives. The stigma of being a “weakling” or “not man enough” is attached to being an abused husband so men lie to their doctors and the authorities about the true cause of their injuries. Men in these abusive relationships never fight back, not only because they were raised not to hit women, but also because automatically authorities consider the man the aggressor in cases of domestic abuse, even when the woman is at fault, and are thus arrested. “Domestic violence is any incident of threatening behaviour. Violent or physical abuse on psychological, physical, emotional, sexual or financial levels between two adults regardless of gender and age and this violent behaviour reflects on the kids. Domestic violence can be seen as this pattern of abusive and controlling behaviour which the abuser seeks power over their victim and the behaviour gets worse over time,” explained life coach Nelene Flemming Felmming says during her research as well as during the 16 days of Activism there are many complaints from women and children “but there is a voice unheard and that is the voice of men”. “I don’t know whether it’s the perception of men being weaker and women just want more and more control but I think that the subject to study on its own.” Abusive women, much like men have psychological problems that come from pre-conditioning or generational conditioning. The example of abusive parents growing might be the only way the abuser sees life and relationships. Doctor Khalid Sohail, Pakistani author, humanist and psychotherapist has counselled many abused husbands who come out of the destructive relationship as damaged as abused women and only after many years. The cycle of abuse, irrespective of whether the abuser is the man or woman in the relationship follows the same pattern. The abuser becomes aggressive, lashes out verbally and physically and then feeling shame or regret either apologises or “makes up” by buying gifts or behaving extra affectionately. The perpetual cycle makes it harder for the victim to leave, gives the abuser more power, often scarring children. Claudia Dias who has counselled abusive men and women for over twenty years is critical of the different ways domestic violence against men and women is understood. In an article on battered.com she said, “When a man hits a woman, it’s abuse and felony. When she does it, it’s because she has a bad temper.” Claudia describes the cycles of domestic abuse as “a dance… it doesn’t matter which gender does which part.” The major difference, she says, is that men hit women to “make them shut up” whereas women hit men in order to “make them listen.”” Over the years authorities and mental health professionals are realising there are many abused husbands who are still leading a life of secrecy in our communities. Since men’s shelters are scarce to non-existent, it is difficult for these men to get professional help. The distinguishing traits of an abuser, says Flemming, “The abuser has this goal to have all the power and control and their perceptions are that the victim has the same goal for power that they do. This makes them so much stronger. Then they are central and dominant. They believe they are entitled to be selfish. They are irresponsible and they blame others for their mistakes and they never accept the blame. The abuse escalates over time and the abuser is happy in every situation. They don’t see any reason to change.” The victim thus takes the blame and shame for the abuser’s actions. Being the one in the relationship who recognises a problem, the victim wants things to work out and is hopeful it will. Victims become anxious and scared and might then abuse substances like alcohol and drugs. Victims can notice tell tale signs of an abuser such as early expressions of love and pressure for commitment. A red flag is someone who grew up in an abusive family. “They are extremely jealous of your friends and in a way she possesses you. She hurts you when she doesn’t get her way, being abusive to family members and the most important is sarcasm. That’s talking you down, breaking you down. She has unrealistic expectations for you to meet all her needs.” The indirect abuse of children leads to a legacy of abusive relationships. Children who come from abusive families are changed by the cyclic battles they witness. They grow up believing that a normal family life is one defined by a wheel of fear, violence and tearful apologies. Their self-esteem is affected in a way that cannot easily be understood explain psychologists. jamiat.org And His Cries Went Unheard: Husband Abuse Unveiled By Umm Zakiyyah | Saudi Life “I DON’T care who’s listening,” the sister spoke angrily into her friend’s phone, prompting the other sisters in the room to look in her direction, concerned expressions on their faces as they halted their own chatter amongst themselves. “I have somewhere to go, Abdullah. I’m tired of this—“ There was the muffled sound of a man’s voice coming through the receiver. “No, no, I’m not going to be patient. You are so irresponsible. I can’t depend on you for anything. I swear!” More muffled sounds. “You are such a stup—“ The sister stopped mid-syllable as the phone line went dead. Her eyes grew wide in shock as she heard the clanking of the base of the phone as it fell off the table and onto the floor. She turned to find the hostess of the gathering standing feet from her, meeting her gaze unblinking. “I’m sorry,” the hostess said, shaking her head in disapproval. The phone wire that she had pulled out the wall was still in her hand. “I can’t sit here and let you talk to your husband like that.” … “If he even thinks about taking another wife, I’ll kill him.” I laughed at the ridiculousness of the statement, although my laughter was more of discomfort than amusement. “Yeah right. You wouldn’t do anything like that,” I told the woman. “You’d just get a divorce.” The sister’s cold eyes rested on me, and I shuddered. There was not a hint of humor in her expression. “Why would I need a divorce if he’s dead?” I started to respond but could find no words, my heart racing in the realization that she was not joking, at all. Finally, I found my voice though I detected a slight quiver in my speech. “And you’re willing to spend the rest of your life in prison?” One side of her upper lip lifted in a snare. “I wouldn’t be that stupid,” she said, a wicked smile forming on her face, making me weak as I listened. “I’ll just do sihr. And nobody would ever know.” … “I’m calling the Embassy,” the woman said angrily. “For what?” her friend asked, her forehead creasing. “I’m reporting him as an abuser and a terrorist.” Her friend’s mouth fell open. “You can’t do that.” The woman laughed. “Oh yes I can.” “But that’s lying, ukhtee.” “So what if it is?” She shrugged. “I’m taking the kids and leaving this country, and he’ll never see us again.” “But what about your soul? And the kids? And even your husband.” her friend pleaded, frantic. “He doesn’t deserve that. Think about Allah.” Her eyes became glassy, and rage was apparent there. “That’s what he should be thinking about.” … “Disgusting. Disgusting, he is.” I flinched at the words, and instinctively, my eyes widened at the woman who had spoken. But the woman was contorting her face and looking toward the other sisters present in the woman’s prayer area. My friend, who sat across from me on the other side of the woman, looked at me, a look of alarm in her eyes, as if begging me to stop this conversation. We had gathered for the night’s lecture, not for backbiting. I didn’t know what to say. The woman went on mercilessly tearing into the flesh of a man who sat clueless in the men’s prayer area opposite the dividing curtain, likely smiling and laughing amongst friends as he waited for the speaker to begin… I cringed. All I could think was, How could she disrespect her husband so shamelessly, and in the musallaa? My heart drummed nervously as I realized that this was one of the worst forms of flesh-eating that I had ever heard in my life—in or outside a masjid. I decided to speak up… I opened my e-mail and was about to click delete when I read the online newspaper’s headline that decried the “shameless lack of support” for a domestic abuse awareness weekend seminar held by a charitable Muslim organization… The contributors to the article were appalled that no one showed up for the well-advertised program that was intended as a fundraiser for a local Muslim women’s shelter… And the seminar was being hosted in a city that was home to one of the largest Muslim communities in America. What’s really sad, one organizer said, is that when women seek help from imams and other Muslims, they’re often asked, “But what did you do?” What broke my heart while reading this article was that among all the social workers, PhD-holders, and experienced domestic abuse counselors, not one entertained the possibility that the fault lay not in the Muslims who did not show up… But in the organizers who did… And proof for that could be found in the quote criticizing those who asked women, “But what did you do?”… “He hit me,” she whimpered, tears filling her eyes as her shoulders shook from where she sat on the couch in her friend’s home, having arrived minutes before, not knowing where else to turn. Bruises were visible on her arms as the sleeves of her abaya gathered at her elbows as she lifted her hands to cover her face. Next to her, Hakimah rubbed the woman’s back and spoke soft, reassuring words to soothe her best friend, Hakimah’s heart aching in utter helplessness. Hakimah was at a loss for what to do. She’d known that her friend had had a tumultuous marriage, but Hakimah never imagined that the apparently calm, good-natured man who was friends with her own husband was capable of abuse, especially now. He and Hakimah had been divorced for nearly a month. How could he do something like this—and to a woman who wasn’t even his wife anymore? What should Hakimah do? Her first thought was to call the American Embassy. Both Hakimah and her friend were thousands of miles from home, in Dammam, Saudi Arabia. They’d left America more than ten years ago to settle in the Kingdom and had since then called it home. With her free hand, Hakimah fumbled for her purse, determined to get her friend to safety. This abuse had to stop. She found her mobile phone in a side pocket, withdrew it, and quickly scanned her contacts for the embassy’s number. “As-salaamu’alaikum!” a cheerful voice called from the front room at the sound of a heavy door opening and closing. It was Adil, Hakimah’s husband, arriving home from work. Immediately, Hakimah slid her phone back into her purse and went to greet her husband. Noticing her distressed expression, Adil asked what was wrong. She told him. An hour later, upon Adil’s insistence, the woman’s ex-husband arrived at the front door. The first things Adil noticed when he opened the door were the brother’s black eye and long blood-stained scratches on his cheeks and neck. Minutes later, Adil learned that this had occurred at the hands of the “abused” woman, who had, earlier that day, arrived at her ex-husband’s front door where he now lived with his new wife. The woman had been infuriated that he had married someone else and she came in punching, flailing, and screaming. Her own bruises? Well…the brother had been trying to restrain her from harming him—and his new wife. Those familiar with the marital turmoil in so many homes today know that the fictionalized story of Hakimah’s friend is not a rare account. It’s quite common—in fact, arguably more common than incidents of real abuse. The details differ, yes, but essentially the stories are all similar… She claims “abuse” and cries her eyes out on the phone, on the couch, in the masjid, at the istiraaha….wherever—evoking sympathy from every well-meaning, good-hearted Muslim who hears her heartbreaking tale… Days, weeks, or months later we learn that, no she wasn’t lying—he did hit her, he did yell at her, he did call her those horrible names… But she had merely omitted some “minor” details in her version of events… She’d thrown a frying pan at him. She cursed him for the umpteenth time. She yelled at him until the neighbors got concerned. She called him horrible names—in front of others. She hit him—as she did almost every day… … Allah says, “And cover not truth with falsehood nor conceal the truth when you know what it is” (Al-Baqarah, 2:42). …For people who believe in Allah and the Last Day, going before Allah with such an enormity as slander or tainting the honor of an innocent Muslim is simply not a risk they’re willing to take… Even for an apparently abused woman claiming something as egregious as suffering abuse from her husband… For they have no idea if she is even speaking the truth… …Yes, they could simply investigate the matter… But… Since Women’s Rights groups and “Abuse Awareness” seminars teach that it is a crime to even ask “the victim” what happened, most people opt to be safe and stay out of it… At least as far as their own souls are concerned. … Yet, according to today’s experts on domestic violence, this is where the problem lies… If everyone is going to “stay out of it” and worry about only their own lives, then where does an abused woman turn for help? Maybe the husband isn’t innocent. Maybe he really is abusive… Then again, maybe he’s not… Therein lies the dilemma… Allah says, “O you who have believed, if there comes to you a faasiq* with information, investigate, lest you harm a people out of ignorance, and become, over what you have done, regretful” (Al-Hujuraat, 49:6). Also, in the chapter of the Qu’ran entitled Saad, Allah relates to us the story of two men who come to the Prophet Dawud (David) seeking his judgment. One of the men claims that he was wronged by the other. He says that his brother, who has ninety-nine ewes while he has only one, is demanding that he hand over this one to him. Prophet Dawud, upon hearing this great injustice, immediately says, “He has certainly wronged you in demanding your ewe [in addition] to his ewes. And indeed, many associates oppress one another, except for those who believe and do righteous deeds—and they are few.” Shortly thereafter, the Prophet realizes his mistake: He did not listen to the other man’s version of events. He also realizes that this was a trial from Allah—and that he did not pass. Allah says, “And David became certain that We had tried him, and he asked forgiveness of his Lord and fell down bowing [in prostration] and turned in repentance [to Allah]” (38:24). …In some ways, many of the well-meaning, anti-domestic violence Muslims of the world are like Prophet Dawud, peace be upon him, when he was judging between the two men: They hear an enormity such as a man mercilessly abusing his wife, and it’s difficult to stay silent. So without hesitation or forethought, they say to the woman who comes to them crying and claiming abuse, “He has certainly wronged you in what he’s done! So many men oppress women, except those good men who really believe in Islam. And how few they are nowadays!” Except, they are not like Prophet Dawud because… They don’t realize their mistake. They don’t even imagine they should hear the other side. And it doesn’t even occur to them that they should ask Allah’s forgiveness… Because they don’t think they’ve done anything wrong in the first place… Let’s face it. We live in a world that isn’t quite just or balanced—even when championing “women’s rights.” The lens of those of the “modern world” define abuse as…. A parent raising their voice at a child (“verbal abuse”)… A caretaker criticizing a sensitive teen (“psychological abuse”)… A husband refusing to speak to his wife when he’s angry (“emotional abuse”)… Anyone at all—a parent, caretaker, or husband—as much as laying a finger on a child, teen, or wife (“physical abuse”)… Yet… The modern world also says… If that child yells at the parent, “Oh, she’s just acting out…” If that teen criticizes the actions of the caretaker, “Oh, he just needs someone to talk to…” If that wife refuses to speak to her husband (or even refuses intimacy with him), “Oh, she’s going through a lot right now…” If that child, teen, or wife hits, punches, smacks, or throws something at their parent, caretaker, or husband, “Oh, be patient, they’re just really stressed…” … Those who grew up in the West know all too well the pillar of “proper” male conduct in dealing with women, which is also a product of “championing women’s rights”… A woman can scream at, curse, hit, punch, smack, or even kick a man where it really hurts (or anything else she so chooses)… and he must do absolutely nothing, say absolutely nothing, be absolutely nothing, and just “take it like a man”… Or else… The stories I shared at the beginning of this blog are just a few of thousands that illustrate that the image of domestic violence, especially in the Westernized modern world, isn’t as “experts” and “domestic awareness seminars” would have us believe… Yet, if there is going to be any real uprooting of domestic abuse, certain realities have to be openly discussed, and investigated—especially for those truly concerned for women’s and men’s well-being… And for the safety of their own souls on the Day of Judgment. Amongst these basic realities are… The fundamental principle of justice, which includes hearing all sides of a story… The fact that people can and will exaggerate, especially when they are emotionally hurt and seeking sympathy… Or revenge. And… People suffer from selective memory. Sometimes they outright lie. And this is true for both men and women. And… Many husbands suffer abuse from their wives. Yes… husband abuse does exist. And, no, it is not rare. In fact, it’s become quite “in style” for today’s women… There are even books touting titles like How to Train Your Husband—with a cover depicting the image of a man on all fours wearing a dog collar as his wife stands towering over him tugging on a leash. Needless to say, if such a cover depicted the man and woman with the roles (and book title) reversed—especially if printed in an Islamic country—there’d be an outcry…worldwide. But these “chic,” modern women do exist… And they find it quite humorous and perfectly acceptable to… Scream at their husbands… …Or Hit, slap, or kick them… Or… In snide remarks and jokes amongst friends—on the phone or at favored (husband-funded) dinner parties as she lounges on the couch… She may say, between snickers and sips of tea, amidst giggling friends and guests, “Oh how stupid he is… like all men…” …Ha, ha, ha… But… If she discovers that he’s called her stupid…in front friends and guests, no doubt…the drums of Women’s rights in Islam! Fight oppression! and cries of abuse can be heard reverberating through phones halfway across the world… Or… What’s more—and those Western expats living abroad know this is true… She’ll simply contact her embassy with claims against him that take advantage of the Islamophobia afflicting the world today… Thousands of websites and organizations worldwide rally in efforts to assist female victims of domestic abuse, an effort that is absolutely necessary and even commendable—socially and Islamically. …Especially given the fact that women who suffer from actual abuse often suffer in silence. Thus, something must be done. Yet, these well-meaning sites and groups are often confounded by what seems like an “utter lack of support” during fundraisers and events aimed at raising awareness, and by their constant fruitless efforts in getting people even talking about rooting out this horrible vice. But, quite likely, the answer to this dilemma lies not in the droves of apparently silent witnesses to abuse who seem to sit idly by and allow it to happen… But in the organizations and “awareness events” themselves—which, more often than not, focus solely on women’s suffering… Most people with even a shred of conscience, whether Muslim or non-Muslim, feel uncomfortable supporting events and organizations that turn a blind eye to the fact that spousal abuse is not a “women’s issue”— It is a humanity issue. … Yet, even if one believes that women are the primary sufferers of domestic violence and thus deserve the most support and attention, it is still necessary to openly acknowledge the existence of husband abusers and “fake victims”… Because their existence likely presents the greatest obstacle to abusive men being justly admonished and punished. As well-meaning people are simply paralyzed into inaction by the knowledge of this phenomenon alone… Yes, due to men being the “stronger sex,” it is likely that women suffer most from physical abuse… But it is debatable whether or not they suffer most from abuse itself… Nearly all modern “experts” include in their definitions of abuse the subcategories of psychological and emotional abuse… What’s more is that they also contend that the latter two categories are far more damaging long-term than physical abuse… And, certainly, men are not necessarily the “stronger sex” psychologically and emotionally… Abused men are utterly confounded because they often have absolutely no where to turn… Especially if they live in the West… Or as Western expats abroad… …And his cries went unheard… Certainly, it’s not the most socially acceptable thing for a man to come crying on his friend’s couch to say that his wife abuses him, while murmuring, “Can you help me, akhee?” And, chances are, that “philanthropic” organization that champions rooting out abuse in the community isn’t planning a husband-abuse awareness seminar… Or opening a men’s shelter… In fact, it’s quite likely that, for them, “spousal abuse” doesn’t even include the possibility of a man suffering at all. But what’s the solution? many may ask. Well, that’s something we all have to put our heads together to figure out. I certainly don’t have the answer. But, as with all dilemmas, the first step is acknowledging the problem. But I do have one suggestion: Next time a charitable organization hosts a “spousal abuse” or “domestic violence” seminar in your area, make sure they have workshops and classes aimed at rooting out all abuse—regardless of the gender of the victim. Because we simply cannot continue to wear our hearts on our sleeves, act on impulse and emotion, abandon all justice and good sense—and even the Qur’an and the Sunnah… While asking the accuser no questions… And assume… Guilty as accused. …Lest you harm a people out of ignorance, and become, over what you have done, regretful… And no, this isn’t “blaming the victim”… …Because the victim just may not be a she at all. ~~~ Back to Table of Contents

Fasting for three days can regenerate entire immune system, study finds By Sarah Knapton, Science Correspondent The Telegraph A person's entire immune system can be rejuvenated by fasting for as little as three days as it triggers the body to start producing new white blood cells, a study suggests. Fasting for as little as three days can regenerate the entire immune system, even in the elderly, scientists have found in a breakthrough described as "remarkable". Although fasting diets have been criticised by nutritionists for being unhealthy, new research suggests starving the body kick-starts stem cells into producing new white blood cells, which fight off infection. Scientists at the University of Southern California say the discovery could be particularly beneficial for people suffering from damaged immune systems, such as cancer patients on chemotherapy. It could also help the elderly whose immune system becomes less effective as they age, making it harder for them to fight off even common diseases. The researchers say fasting "flips a regenerative switch" which prompts stem cells to create brand new white blood cells, essentially regenerating the entire immune system.