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The Gift of Gratitude On one occasion, after Nabi Ismaeel Alayhis salaam had married, Nabi Ebrahim Alayhis salaam came to visit him in Makkah Mukarramah. On arriving at his home, however, he did not meet Ismaeel Alayhis salaam as he was out, and instead met his wife. As she had never met Ebrahim Alayhis salaam before, she did not recognize him. Ebrahim Alayhis salaam asked her where Ismaeel Alayhis salaam was to which she replied, “He has gone to find sustenance for us (i.e. he has gone out to hunt).” Ebrahim Alayhis salaam next asked her regarding their condition and state. She replied by complaining and mentioning, “We are in a bad condition. We are undergoing constraints and poverty.” Ebrahim Alayhis salaam then said to her, “When your husband arrives, convey my salaam to him, and tell him to change his doorstep.” When Ismaeel Alayhis salaam later returned, he perceived that someone had visited, and thus asked his wife, “Did anyone come?” She replied, “Yes, an old man with such-and-such an appearance arrived. He asked me where you were, and so I told him that you were out. He asked me regarding our condition, and so I told him that we are in difficulty and hardship.” Ismaeel Alayhis salaam asked her, “Did he give you any message?” She replied, “Yes, he told me to convey salaam to you, and to tell you to change your doorstep.” Ismaeel Alayhis salaam responded, “That was my father, Ebrahim Alayhis salaam. He has instructed me to separate from you.” (Ebrahim Alayhis salaam was actually referring to the wife of Ismaeel Alayhis salaam when he used the term ‘doorstep’.) After some time had passed, Ismaeel Alayhis salaam remarried. When Ebrahim Alayhis salaam came to visit him after he remarried, he was again out of the home. Hence, Ebrahim Alayhis salaam met his wife who did not recognize him. Ebrahim Alayhis salaam asked her where Ismaeel Alayhis salaam was to which she answered, “He has gone to search for sustenance for us.” Ebrahim Alayhis salaam next asked her regarding their condition. She praised Allah Ta‘ala and replied, “We are in a good condition, enjoying prosperity.” Ebrahim Alayhis salaam then said to her, “When your husband arrives, convey my salaam to him, and tell him to keep and look after his doorstep.” When Nabi Ismaeel Alayhis salaam later returned, he perceived that someone had visited, and thus asked his wife, “Did anyone come?” She replied in the affirmative and informed Ismaeel Alayhis salaam of what had transpired, together with conveying to him the salaam and the message of Ebrahim Alayhis salaam. Ismaeel Alayhis salaam responded, “That was my father, and you are the ‘doorstep’ to which he referred. He has instructed me to keep you as my wife and look after you.” (Bukhaari #3364) NB: The doorstep acts as a form of protection for the door and the home. Similarly, the woman of the home is a form of protection for the home, as she guards the home in the absence of the husband. Furthermore, the wife always remains at home (in the ideal situation) just as the doorstep never moves and always remains in one place. For this reason, the word ‘doorstep’ was used to refer to the woman of the home. (Fathul Baari vol. 6, pg. 499 and Al-Kautharul Jaari vol. 6, pg. 261) Lessons: 1. The first wife and second wife of Ismaeel Alayhis salaam had lived in the same home and had both experienced the same conditions of hardship. However, there was a great difference between the two wives. The first wife had the bad qualities of ingratitude and complaining, and hence she was deprived of remaining in the marriage of Ismaeel Alayhis salaam. The second wife was blessed with the qualities of gratitude for the favours they enjoyed, patience over their hardships, and contentmentwith the little that they had, and so she was honoured to remain the wife of Ismaeel Alayhis salaam. 2. The importance of the wife remaining grateful to her husband and abstaining from complaining can be clearly understood from the hadeeth in which Rasulullah Sallallahu Alayhi wa Sallam warned the women of this Ummah that one of the main causes for them entering Jahannum is their excessive complaining and lack of appreciation for the favours and kindness of the husband.(Muslim #2048) In another hadeeth, Rasulullah Sallallahu Alayhi wa Sallam described those women who do not have the quality of appreciation saying, “If you treat such a woman kindly for your entire life, and she thereafter sees something from you (that she dislikes), she will say, ‘I never saw any good from you!’ (i.e. on account of one unhappy experience, she will immediately forget the lifetime of good that you showed her and will immediately complain.)” (Bukhaari #29) 3. Ismaeel Alayhis salaam heeded the advice of his father, Ebrahim Alayhis salaam regarding his wife. Similarly, we should ensure that we consult and follow the advice of our parents and elders when choosing a spouse. uswatulmuslimah.co.za

The stages of the nafs: Nafs al ammara part 1 From Ashrafiya . Shaikh Abdul Ghani at Tarablusi al Khalwati (Allah have mercy on him) said, ‘It is your lower self (nafs) that veils you from Allah. The scholars of Reality (al haqiqa) have mentioned seven stages of the nafs according to its changing states, the ammara, lawamah, mulhema, mutmainah, radhiya, mardhiya and kamilah.’ Following is a summary of Shaikh’s discussion. 1. The inciting nafs (nafs-i-ammara) إِنَّ النَّفْسَ لأَمَّارَةٌ بِالسُّوءِ إِلاَّ مَا رَحِمَ رَبِّيَ‎ Surely, man’s inner self often incites to evil, unless my Lord shows mercy.”[12:53] In its primitive stage the nafs incites us to commit evil: this is the corrupt nafs as the lower self, the base instincts. Its characteristics include; stinginess, greed, envy, ignorance, arrogance, lust, anger, heedlessness, coveting, mad manners, involvement in useless, making others’ fun, having malice for them and harming them with speech or hand. It becomes the instrument of Satan’s seduction (to sin). It the most lethal enemy. Therefore extreme caution is needed in not listening to its insolent commands. In Prophetic saying the struggle against it has been mentioned as highest level of righteous effort (jihad al akbar). Being steadfast on the commandments of Shariah is essential. Keeping constant vigilance (muhasba) is required. It is imperative to have extreme humility and engagement in supererogatory deeds. This is facilitated by giving up (after consultation with Shaikh) the excessive permissible pleasures and all useless activities. By routinely crying in front of Allah asking for help and making remembrance of Allah as instructed by the Shaikh. ‘Never leave supplication because of being depressed and frustrated (by frequent slips) or lose hope by considering the goal to be unrealistic. This will severe the determination altogether.’ If one persists then Allah will spiritually enlighten the heart of the seeker that will make it possible to see the diseases that inflicts the nafs. Then comes the second stage. The stages of the nafs: Nafs al Lawwamah / part 2 The Self-reproaching nafs لا أقسم بيوم القيامة ولا أقسم بالنفس اللوامة [75:1] I swear by the Day of Resurrection, [75:2] and I swear by the self-reproaching conscience, (that Resurrection is a reality.) This is the stage where the conscience is awakened and the self reproaches one for listening to one’s ego. That is, in committing the evil acts or omitting the virtuous or doing them in a sloppy manner. Its characteristics include; reproaching, greed, coveting, self praise, show-off, cruelty, back-bitting, lying and heedlessness, love of fame and status. In sharing many characteristics of nafs al ammarah it maintains the ability to differentiate between the good and evil. However, it is not proficient, as yet, to fully follow the good commands and abstain from sinful. Moreover, if it does do some good acts it develops desires of self-praise (ujub) or showing-off or expecting praise from others. In this stage it is imperative that he acknowledges and exposes these blame worthy desires to his fellow-brethren (as per the instruction of his Shaikh). Otherwise these blame-worthy morals will cut-off his journey on this path. It is essential that in this phase he makes excessive remembrance of Allah and exerts in the struggle (to do good and abstain from evil). Here he is inflicted will excessive abstract, useless ideas, and random, bizarre thoughts. He has to fight them off with assistance of excessive remembrance of Allah and supplications, asking Allah for assistance in doing so effectively. If he does so, he passes to the third stage. The stages of nafs: Nafs e mulhimah / part 3 The Inspired Nafs Allah Almighty says, (9)ونفس وما سواها ( 7 ) فألهمها فجورها وتقواها ( 8 ) قد أفلح من زكاها [91:7] and by the soul, and the One who made it well, [91:8] then inspired it with its (instincts of) evil and piety, [91:9] success is really attained by him who purifies it, In this stage of development the nafs is gifted with the ability to distinguish between good and evil. Moreover,the performance of good actions and abstinence from evil is facilitated for him by the Grace of Allah. This Grace is manifested as immense desire to please Allah. And at this stage nafs remains drowned in intense love of Allah (‘ishq illahi). This is possible by following the recommendations of the Shaikh and excessive remembrance of Allah as instructed by him. In fact it is mandatory (wajib) to follow the recommendations of the Shaikh at this stage to be successful. This is both a phenomenal and a challenging stage. Any heedlessness here will pull the nafs to its initial stage. (May Allah protect us all from this disaster. Amin!) Its characteristics include; self restraint (hilm), philanthropy, contentment, humility, repentance, patience, forbearance, forgiveness, maintaining a good opinion about others, acceptance of others’ excuses, etc. In addition to the excessive remembrance of Allah and following the instructions of Shaikh meticulously one has to repeatedly remind himself of meeting Allah and His perfections. He has to be vigilant in following the Shariah and be compliant to his daily wird. He must efface his ego by purposefully doing permissible humble actions. Here the individual observes that everything is from Allah (tawhid e afa’li). He abandons all criticism. He cries often and is deeply effected by the crying of others. He withdraws from all the creation and finds solace with Allah. He is attracted to beautiful audition. In short this stage is marked by intense love, lofty desires and high aspirations to please Allah.